Liberal Activists Take the P Out of PBS, Rename It “Just BS”

by Hugh Jashol, Article 107 News*

Washington, D.C. — In a shocking yet somehow completely predictable move, a coalition of progressive activists announced today that they are officially removing the “P” from PBS, rebranding the long-standing Public Broadcasting Service as simply “BS.”

“It’s time to acknowledge what we’ve become,” said Rainbow Zinnia-Roosevelt, chairperson of the Progressive Committee for Inclusive Narratives and Interpretive Broadcasts (PCINIB). “We’re done pretending this is about the public. From now on, it’s about feelings, flags, and fermented kombucha readings of Karl Marx on Sunday evenings. From now on, we’re just BS.”

Rebranding the Brand

The change comes after years of accusations that PBS was pandering to niche audiences with too many documentary segments about endangered hedgehogs, the French existentialist movement, and a suspicious number of cooking shows hosted by people who identify as “flavor-fluid.”

Gone are the days of “Sesame Street,” which will now be replaced by Consent Avenue, where Elmo, now rebranded as “Emotionally Resilient Non-Binary Fuzzy Person,” hosts safe-space puppet therapy circles. Big Bird has reportedly flown the coop to work for Substack.

New Programming Lineup

The revamped BS network is rolling out new flagship programs, including:

• “This American Shame” — A weekly dive into how everything, especially you, is problematic.
• “Masterpiece Wokery” — Historical dramas rewritten so the Tudors are actually a collective of polyamorous vegan herbalists.
• “The Antiques Cancel Show” — Experts evaluate heirlooms, then destroy them for being insufficiently inclusive.

Even Downton Abbey has been reimagined. Now called Downtown Ally, the show follows a collective of performance artists managing a sustainable rooftop garden in Brooklyn while navigating the emotional labor of artisanal kale.

Critics Weigh In

Longtime PBS donors were stunned. “I just wanted to watch a documentary on whales,” said Harold Montgomery of Omaha. “Now I have to take a land acknowledgment and declare my astrological pronouns before I can stream Nature.”

In response, PBS—sorry, just BS—issued a statement: “We hear you. We validate your confusion. But we also respectfully request you sit in your discomfort and examine your internalized documentary privilege.”

Merch Rollout and Corporate Support

The new BS logo, a minimalist line drawing of a crying eagle holding a diversity pamphlet, will soon appear on mugs, tote bags, and biodegradable protest signs. Patagonia, Ben & Jerry’s, and NPR have all expressed support, although NPR admitted privately they were “a little jealous they didn’t think of it first.”

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