Back to Brian’s Uh, Uh, Uh Make Up Crap As You Go
People who live in South Central LA or Chicago or, heck even in the Hamptons, get shot at more than Brian Williams. An anonymous source revealed that the sniper who impaled the helicopter with a RPG was also the same Bosnian terrorist sniper who aimed and fired at sleep-deprived Miss Spoker Clinton, who thankfully ducked at the Tuzla military airport where a school girl greeted Hillary and a smiling Chelsea.
Another anonymous source (a.k.a. gossip-rag commenter) revealed William’s exciting excursion into the Southern American jungle with a crack team of mercenaries to rescue some Army Rangers under fire from strange alien life forms utilizing stealth weapon technology. Luckily, Williams had packed his Harry Potter invisible cloak and armed himself with energy weapons . . . or . . . uh,uh . . . oh no . . . the fog of war (or a troll’s comments) just invaded my brain.
Shot Down: “Sorry dude, I don’t remember you being on my aircraft . . .”
Brian Williams Misremembers, “So I says to Neil Armstrong, ‘Hang on, this landing’s gonna be tough.’” After twelve years of telling multiple versions of the part-time Vet’s war story — all of a sudden — Williams remembered his helicopter wasn’t shot down by an RPG in a war zone — after being called out by the soldiers who were actually there. When the fog suddenly lifted, this professional, fact checking and detail-oriented journalist offered a lucid articulate explanation. How wonderfully convenient. How is his explanation even minimally plausible?
Eyewitness Lance Reynolds posted a callout on Facebook: “Sorry dude, I don’t remember you being on my aircraft. I do remember you walking up about an hour after we had landed to ask me what had happened. Then I remember you guys taking back off in a different flight of Chinooks from another unit and heading to Kuwait to report your “war story” to the Nightly News. The whole time we were still stuck in Iraq trying to repair the aircraft and pulling our own security.” Looks like Williams shot himself down. The only thing that took a hit? William’s credibility. Honey Boo Boo now has more street cred than dysentery-of-the-mouth Brian Williams.
How sad that celebrities can’t live up to their fantasies. What makes this situation even worse? A man whose mug airs on TV every night. Really, Dysentery Doug needed another five minutes of supposed glory? Elevating himself to the same level of heroism of a front line soldier, takes it at the expense of the truly heroic who put themselves in danger’s path to give Brian Williams the right to speak crap and lie freely. William’s compounded lie discounts and trivializes the sacrifice of those who experience the horror of war.
William’s best written-for-Brian teleprompted line? His cameo on 30 Rock, “‘And then I pull off my mask, and I’m a lizard person, too!’ Black out. End of episode.”
Moral of 50 Shades of Briangate? Suspend ethics in the service of your propaganda. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. If you can’t live it, make crap up.
Moral of Brian’s story? Anyone suffering from sufficient memory fog to ‘misremember’ being shot down when he was never shot down ought not be broadcasting the ‘news.’ Maybe he could star in NBC’s next live production of Pinnochio. So will Brian “Chinook Down” Williams go down? After the furor dies down, what is the worst Bullet Proof Brian will probably get? A promotion, another big pay raise and a bicycle on the set for all the back-peddling he’ll continue to do.
Now before you tell me to leave Brian Williams alone because we should be grateful that he invented the light bulb, (or that was Al Gore)? Look at his face. Is that the face of a liar staring into the camera night after night? Flip on your spin and pandering hinky-meter: A trustworthy witness will not lie, but a false witness makes a business of it. (Proverbs 14:5) No matter what he says, should we believe the apology offered by “the most trusted journalist of our time,” as dubbed by Deborah Turness, president of NBC News? Hope their internal investigation and ‘findings’ and Lying’ Brian’s self-imposed staycation don’t go the way of the bury-the-Bowe-Bergdahl report, hoping viewers and Vets will forget.
Hey Vets, as a Gold Star mom with a heart, can we cut Brian’s false embellished memories a little slack? After all, he apologized and said he’s sorry. A real American Hero, he’s probably still experiencing PTSD from the night he saw President Lincoln assassinated at Ford’s Theater after interviewing ‘Honest Abe’ one hour earlier. Sigh . . . if only the world leaders would take away our guns then we wouldn’t need to make up stories about being shot down by some Iraqi farmer in the back of his Toyota pickup.
So, guys, the next time you want to ‘misremember’ your wedding anniversary or your wife’s birthday, just apologize by saying, “Honey, my brain misfired. I misremembered due to being under fire in that helicopter in Iraq with Lyin’ Brian.”
And the next time the talking perfect haircut reports the ‘truth’ scrolling up his teleprompter in his affected Newsreader cadence, “The sun is shining outside,” go outside and check it out for yourself. And if the sun is not shining — it’s George Bush’s fault.
As reported from my basement with my tongue still in my cheek. I would like to thank all my sources — the commenters and crazy trolls that made me mort de rire (die laughing).
Now, let’s honor the members of the military who serve us all, no matter our affiliations, no matter our plagiarism, no matter our social parsimony, no matter our pride, no matter our Seal Team 9 fantasies. They deserve all appreciation we can express for their sacrifices.
Reflection: Truth or No Consequences . . . why did Brian Williams lie?
Resources: Brian Williams NBC Nightly News Parody – Misremembering Some Stories: Don’t miss Brian William’s first-person account of Jesus’ crucifixion.
The “MisRemembering” Timeline
March 26, 2003: Brian William’s Original Helicopter Report
June 6, 2007: Newsweek Executive Forum: Williams dubs self “part-time veteran” and cites some of his war creds.
September 27, 2007: 50 Shades of Gray begins and spins as told by Williams on his blog entitled The Long Gray Line.
May 12, 2008: Williams infers all four Chinooks take fire.
March 4, 2013: Here’s the Thing, Williams unbridled confidence, almost died story.
March 26, 2013: Brian Williams and his infamous Iraq War story as told to David Letterman.
June 25, 2014, Uploaded by Columbia Journalism School on June 25, 2014: Williams Blows Crap about Katrina at The Columbia School of Journalism.
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