The Burden of Being Called Guru

The word has always weighed heavy on my shoulders. Each utterance has cast upon me a humbling burden.

In black and white it is a “mentor, guide, expert, or master.” Its metaphorical meaning is defined by the perceiver, and its burden cast upon the receiver. A guru, in its true form, is not a title given, but a title bestowed. It is a title earned. It is organic and genuine. It is the title given by those who trust and believe in the receiver’s views, beliefs, and actions.

My entire life I have obsessed over my every word, thought, and act. I have spent more time reflecting than acting. I stand as the culmination of the mistakes made, the preceding damage, and the pursuit to rectify the often unrepairable. I have not simply studied, but experienced. I have sought to know and understand. I have tried to be the balance between the doers and thinkers.

I have tried desperately to waste not a moment of my fragile existence. There exists no existential crisis within the confines of my mind. I have faced my impending demise since childhood. In adolescence I chased it. In adulthood I have examined and sought to understand it. I have harnessed it as eustress.

My eternal life exists simply in the knowledge and experiences I impart to those who choose to listen. I seek no infamy or notoriety. I simply seek a life worth having lived, a life that others might seek to emulate. Such a life bears a great burden. To change others means changing the world. To know that others listen and seek to emulate places a crushing burden on my every word and action. I must reflect upon every stone I cast, for its ripples traverse beyond my control.

I am not sure that makes me deserving of such a title, but I bear its burden, a burden that motivates me to achieve the impossible: a life deserving of such an epithet.

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As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.

Jake Smith is a law enforcement officer and former Army Ranger with four deployments to Afghanistan.