Nothing and Everything

September was suicide awareness month. For those that suffer, please know there are others who know your pain. We bring our message to the those that still suffer. You are not alone. As a Marine once told me: “Life is a movie. Stick around for the ending.”

I felt nothing.
Touching the casket,
seeing his body;
cold, clammy, still.
I felt nothing.

Something. Anything.
Nothing is all.
Speak words to me,
connect with me.
Please, touch my hand.

Standing on a bridge
looking over,
I saw my kin.
His back was turned.
I felt nothing

The flag draped over
wood and metal.
Hands cross over; lift.
Fold upon fold; tighten
Click, tap, pass; ready, fire!

I felt nothing.
Rifle reports did not
bring the jump, the shock.
Stillness in the midst.
I felt nothing

Six months no smiles
Stillness in the midst.
His back still turned.
Asking, pleading, yet.
I felt nothing

Nothing is not nothing
I feel emptiness,
overwhelming emptiness
The kin-caused hole
I feel everything

Emptiness in the future
For my kin not there.
No joys, no laughs, no smiles.
You are not here
I feel emptiness

The other side is yours
Your back remains turned
No words, no messages
I cannot stay brother.
I feel emptiness.

I feel emptiness
and towards emptiness
I must go. To make,
create, build things anew.
The other side is yours

I felt nothing
or once thought so.
I now feel emptiness
towards emptiness I go.
The other side is yours.

______________

Marshall McGurk served nearly five years with the 3rd Special Forces Group (Airborne) after a stint with the 4th Infantry Division (Mechanized). He enjoys scotch, cigars, good books, foreign films, and critical thinking. He is passionate about international relations, domestic affairs, and successful veteran transition. He serves in the Army Reserve. Email him at mtmcgurk@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter.