Mom is gone…..
Mom is home!!!!! In celebration of our leading lady’s triumphant return, I will now compose a few “Top 5’s” that encompass our time without mom.
Top 5 things that I found in my shoes:
1. 9 bouncy balls in my left riding boot
2. A bar of soap
3. The better part of a loaf of bread
5. Dog vomit with a ton of grass in it. And Nerds Candy.
Top 5 places I found Colton after I stopped paying attention:
1-3. The cat water bowl
4. The cat litter box
5. Directly behind me so when I called his name he’d either scare the shit out of me or I’d trip over him.
Top 5 things Colton dumped out:
1. Any drink he could reach
2. The cat water
4. The loaf of bread. Twice
5. (Tie) Pinesol and the entire thing of cat and dog food.
Top 5 discoveries I discovered:
1. The Yellow Yoshi is a son of a bitch.
2. When my children talk to strangers, it costs me money.
3. The neighbor kids pees our chair. (He’s done it multiple times now)
4. I feel so sorry for my mom having to deal with us.
5. Kids are jerks
Note: I’m glad my wife is home. She is waaaaaaaay better at parenting than I am. She is the sticky stuff that holds our family together. Or maybe that’s something Colton spilled.
This first appeared in The Havok Journal November 9, 2015.