Resilience Isn’t Always Hard: Sometimes, It’s Soft

One month into my time with 3rd Ranger Battalion we had an Emergency Deployment Readiness Exercise (EDRE). My company had 9 hours to be wheels-up; as you can imagine, it was a grueling day. We started early—mission prep, endless planning, briefings—and by the time we finally loaded onto the helicopter, it was just after sundown. We were dropped off at an HLZ (Helicopter Landing Zone) far from the objective, facing an all-night movement through some of the thickest vegetation I’d ever seen.

Three platoons were moving along different routes to three different objectives, but the mission required us all to hit our targets at the same time. We knew the terrain would slow us down, but no one could have predicted just how slow it would be. After two hours of pushing through the brush, we had only covered 200 meters. Glacial doesn’t even begin to describe it. It became clear to me that if we stayed in this thick stuff, we’d never reach our Objective Rally Point (ORP) in time.

So, after some deliberation, I made the call to move onto the sand-covered trail, sacrificing some security for speed. The trail would get us where we needed to be, but it wasn’t long before I realized how exhausted the Rangers were. Two hours of breaking brush had wiped them out.

Now, this is where things could have gone sideways. As a Platoon Leader (PL) in the late ’90s, getting fired was not uncommon—especially for making decisions outside the standard playbook. But I knew something had to be done. I pulled in my PSG and Squad Leaders, and we made the call to go to one-third security and let everyone sleep for 45 minutes.

It was a bold decision—one that could’ve gotten me fired on the spot—but no one argued. We were all exhausted, and sometimes, you have to take a risk.  They were smoked and I felt this was the right answer.

After 45 minutes, we woke up and moved out—and let me tell you, those Rangers were flying. That short nap did the trick, and we reached our ORP hours ahead of the other platoons. We waited until everyone else was ready and then hit our objectives at the designated time. The mission went off without a hitch. The boys crushed it, and we moved to the exfil point with a real sense of purpose, leaving the exercise “hostile area” behind.

When we got back to the barracks, my evaluator approached me—alongside both my Battalion Commander and the Regimental Commander. To say I was nervous is an understatement. Both of these men would go on to become four-star generals, and I was sure I was about to get fired. The Regimental Commander asked, “Who made the decision to take a 45-minute nap on the way to the ORP?”

I stood at attention and answered, “I did, Sir.”

He looked at me, nodded, and said, “Good call,” and walked away. My Battalion Commander gave me a wink and followed him.

I stood there, relieved but reflective. That day, I learned something that’s stuck with me ever since: Sometimes resilience is rest. It’s not always about pushing harder. Sometimes, you have to step back, take a breath, and recharge.

When we think about resilience, the common imagery that comes to mind is one of grit, toughness, and sheer determination. It’s often depicted as a hardened stance, a refusal to break under pressure—a forceful push against adversity. While this “hard” form of resilience is essential in many situations, there is another side to resilience: softer, gentler, and just as powerful.

The Myth of Hard Resilience

The prevailing narrative around resilience often equates it to toughness. It’s about pushing through, showing no weakness, and withstanding adversity without bending. This kind of resilience is often seen in survival situations, or during moments of extreme stress and challenge, such as in military service or high-pressure corporate environments. But this is just one dimension of resilience.

Equating resilience solely with toughness has an inherent flaw: it overlooks the subtle, quieter strength that comes from adaptability, emotional intelligence, and vulnerability. True resilience is multifaceted, and sometimes, the softest approaches can yield the greatest results.

The Power of Soft Resilience

Soft resilience is the ability to be flexible and adaptive and have emotional awareness and understanding. It involves engaging with challenges in a way that doesn’t force confrontation but instead allows for reflection, understanding, and a different kind of strength. It’s about knowing when to yield rather than break, when to listen rather than fight, and when to rest rather than push forward relentlessly.

Here’s why soft resilience matters:

1. Adaptability Over Rigidity
   Hard resilience can be about standing firm, but there are moments in life when flexibility is the key to overcoming adversity. Just as trees bend in the wind to avoid breaking, we too must learn to adapt to changing circumstances. Soft resilience teaches us that we can flow around obstacles rather than crash into them.
2. Vulnerability as Strength
   There’s immense strength in acknowledging vulnerability. Being open about emotions, asking for help, and allowing oneself to feel can foster deeper connections with others and lead to more sustainable coping mechanisms. This vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness; rather, it’s a form of resilience that acknowledges the full spectrum of human experience.
3. Rest as Resistance
   Sometimes, resilience is about knowing when to pause and take care of yourself. In a world that glorifies overwork and non-stop productivity, choosing to rest can be a radical act of self-preservation. Soft resilience recognizes that recuperation is an integral part of long-term endurance.
4. Emotional Intelligence
   Soft resilience involves being in touch with one’s emotions and the emotions of others. It’s about emotional regulation, not suppression. By being attuned to our emotional state, we can navigate complex situations with calmness and empathy, rather than resorting to anger or frustration. It helps build healthier relationships and fosters a deeper sense of community support.

Examples of Soft Resilience in Action

• Mediation over Confrontation
  When faced with conflict, hard resilience might encourage a head-on approach, demanding that one stand their ground. Soft resilience, on the other hand, suggests mediation and understanding. By taking the time to listen and compromise, conflicts can be resolved in ways that strengthen relationships rather than damage them.
• Empathy in Leadership
  Leaders who demonstrate soft resilience inspire trust and loyalty. Instead of pushing their teams through sheer force of will, they lead with empathy, recognizing when team members need support, encouragement, or rest. By fostering a nurturing environment, these leaders build resilient teams that are motivated and emotionally strong.
• Parenting with Compassion
  In moments of parental stress, hard resilience might suggest strict discipline and control. But soft resilience offers an alternative: compassion, patience, and open communication. By guiding children through their challenges with understanding, parents can foster emotional resilience in their children, teaching them how to navigate life’s difficulties with grace.

How to Cultivate Soft Resilience

1. Practice Self-Compassion
   Be kind to yourself in moments of failure or struggle. Instead of being overly critical, acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
2. Develop Emotional Awareness and Understanding
   Pay attention to how you feel in moments of stress or adversity and what implications those feelings have in the moment. Recognize your emotions without judgment and use them as signals for what you might need—whether it’s rest, support, or time for reflection.
3. Create Flexible Mindsets
   Shift your perspective from seeing obstacles as fixed barriers to viewing them as opportunities for growth. This mindset fosters adaptability and helps you navigate challenges without unnecessary rigidity.
4. Build Support Networks
   Soft resilience thrives in community. Cultivate relationships with people who understand and support you. These networks provide emotional reinforcement and are often a key factor in bouncing back from tough times.

Conclusion

Resilience isn’t always about brute strength or relentless perseverance. Sometimes, it’s about knowing when to bend, how to adapt, and when to seek comfort in vulnerability. Soft resilience allows us to face challenges with a quiet strength, one that values flexibility, empathy, and emotional intelligence. As we navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs, both hard and soft resilience are essential—working together to help us not just survive, but thrive.

In a world that often praises toughness, let’s remember that sometimes, the softest approaches can lead to the most powerful outcomes.

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JC Glick serves as the Chief Executive Officer of The COMMIT Foundation. JC brings with him a wealth of experience as a leadership consultant and career Army officer and is driven by a deep commitment to supporting veterans in their transition journey. Since transitioning from 20 years of military service in 2015, JC has been a founder and partner of two leadership companies, where his clients included Fortune 500 companies, international non-profit organizations, government agencies, the NFL, numerous NFL and NBA teams, and multiple NCAA programs.

Over the course of his Army career, JC spent over seven years in the Ranger regiment, serving in two Ranger Battalions as well as Regimental Headquarters, participating in the Best Ranger Competition twice, and has over seven and a half years of command time with 11 operational and combat deployments to Haiti, Bangladesh, Iraq, and Afghanistan. JC is the author of two books, including A Light in the Darkness: Leadership Development for the Unknown. In 2017, he was selected as a TEDX Speaker and delivered Rethinking Leadership at TEDX Hammond. JC is also an adjunct professor at St. John’s University in Queens, New York. He holds a degree in Political Science from the University of Rhode Island and is a Liberty Fellow, part of the Aspen Institute.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.