Is It Me?

I cannot help but wonder if it is me. Of course, it’s me. It has to be. It is me who has exceptionally high self-expectations. It is me who cannot help but criticize my every action. It is me whose curiosity is without boundaries. It is me who cannot help but notice what others ignore. It is me who cannot simply walk away from a problem without seeking a solution. It is me who understands why. Why is important to me. Why has helped save my life, time and time again. Why I am the way I am.  

Of course, it’s me. It is me who expects others to be the same. It is me who cannot understand how others could be so apathetic. It is me who came from a world where I was no exception, if not the opposite. It is me who came from a world where these attributes were necessary. It is me who must understand we are the accumulation of our experiences. It is me who must acknowledge my uniqueness in this world and not my ubiquitousness in the old world. It is me who must understand this world. It is me who must learn to change what I can and accept what I cannot. 

Of course, my frustrations are because of me. They are because of who I am and what I expect. They are mine, because of me. 

_______________________

This first appeared in The Havok Journal on October 30, 2023.

Jake Smith is a law enforcement officer and former Army Ranger with four deployments to Afghanistan.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.