Teaching Her Power, Learning My Own

Teach your daughters violence so they may never fear man. Teach them compassion so they may know its true strength. – Clay

As I sit at yet another hotel bar, those words echo in my mind, rattling around like ice in my glass. Across the lobby, a father chases his little girl, her laughter cutting through the low hum of conversation. He raises his fists, and she mirrors him—tiny hands swinging wildly, fearless. He stumbles back in exaggerated defeat, making her feel strong. The room watches, smiles creeping across faces, momentarily caught in their world.

I take another sip, unable to look away. In him, I see the dichotomy of a man—the warrior and the nurturer, the protector and the playmate. Strength wrapped in tenderness. He is showing her, without even realizing it, what it means to be both fierce and gentle, how to stand tall and still embrace the people you love.

But as I watch, I can’t help but think about myself. About how, for so long, I’ve struggled to figure out how to be there—a warrior in the garden. I’ve always known how to fight, to protect, to stand firm in the face of danger. But the softness, the tenderness, the moments of unguarded joy—that’s something I’ve never fully understood.

I’ve never quite figured out how to balance both lives—how to be strong and still regain my humanity, how to love without fear of being broken. As I see him teach his daughter what it means to be loved and safe, I wonder how I could have done it differently.

I wonder if I’ll ever get it right.

I watch him lift his daughter back into his arms, and I feel a pang of something deep in my chest—maybe regret, maybe hope. One day, she’ll outgrow those arms, but she won’t forget what it felt like to be held in them.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll figure out how to be that kind of father too.

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Clay D is a father and veteran of 5 war zones with 9 combat deployments, 3 brothers KIA, and 1 Divorce. Most of his adult life was spent in the Middle East & South East Asia.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.