I Was Just Doing My Job

Author’s note: This reflection was inspired by Sarah Barbo Nielsen’s essay, “Yes, I Served in Iraq. But What if People Mistake Me for a Hero?” published by The War Horse on June 3, 2026.

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I served in the Navy. I deployed to Afghanistan. I was awarded a Combat Action Ribbon, and I was involved in a handful of firefights.

My official job wasn’t supposed to put me in direct combat, but combat didn’t care what my orders said. I didn’t volunteer to become a Female Searcher. I was voluntold.

I’m not a hero, and I don’t regret serving.

I was just doing my job.

For a long time, that seemed like a simple enough explanation.

However, I didn’t come home unchanged. I sometimes have nightmares. I still struggle with the memories, and I go to therapy.

I was just doing my job, but parts of that job followed me home.

I don’t think we made a long-term difference in Afghanistan. I don’t believe war is as simple as right and wrong. I don’t have all the answers, and I still haven’t gotten over the withdrawal.

Sometimes, I wonder if saying, “I was just doing my job,” is a copout.

Could I have done more?

Should I have done more?

What happened to the people we left behind?

What happened to the interpreter who helped us?

I don’t know the answers to those questions. All I see is pain and suffering. GWOT veterans are wrestling with moral injury at home while Afghans are living under Taliban rule.

I did my job, and I’m proud of my service.

At the same time, I still wrestle with what that job cost others.

Maybe “I was just doing my job” is the truth.

It just isn’t the whole truth.

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Lori Butierries is a full-time caregiver to two children with disabilities and a contributor to The Havok Journal. She previously served as a Hospital Corpsman in the U.S. Navy and draws on both that experience and her family life in her writing. For The Havok Journal, her work centers on disability, caregiving, mental health, and military and veteran life, often from a personal perspective; she also writes for AwareNow Magazine and The Mighty, and her children’s picture book GIFT FROM GOD was a finalist in two categories in the 2021 Next Generation Indie Book Awards.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.