I Can’t “Fully Grasp” What it Means to Serve

I wrote this back in 2017 – When my youngest was on his first deployment, mirroring his older brother’s choices – (although upping the ante from 11B to 68W) lol. With a 14-year age difference and yet the same trajectory into the military. Different experience and time of course but as a mom? Holy Shit what a ride and learning curve for me.

This is also to the two other veterans I’ve loved in my life, John and Michael, forever changed by war and always in my heart Different wars, but not.

To all the veterans in my life—especially to my son currently deployed—and for my civilian friends to take note:

I have kind of an issue these days with saying the phrase – “Thank you for your service” to a vet or active duty service member. Because in the last few years I’ve seen those words used for too many reasons that frankly seem to have nothing to do with genuine thankfulness. Call me jaded.

Which meant I needed to spend some time thinking about what did that commitment to serve our country, made by all who enlisted, what did it really mean to me? How appreciative was I? And in what ways specifically? And what then did I actually want to communicate to veterans? It was pretty easy to see once I thought about it.

So, thank you—for choosing to enlist. For nearly two generations, no American has been obligated to join, and few do. Less than 0.5% of the population serves in the armed forces, compared with more than 12% during World War II. Clearly, not too many people today make the decision (and follow through with it) to set a clear path for their future by serving our country.

Thank you – for making the decision and following through with it. It’s where it all begins, that Oath of Enlistment. This powerful Oath, where someone changes from a “normal” everyday civilian, into someone who has begun to learn what honor, commitment, loyalty, and sacrifice mean – and who will continue to learn in these violent times – in ways the rest of us will never be able to fully grasp.

Catch that last phrase? Because upon reflection, that is what I want to really communicate. By respecting the fact that I can’t “fully grasp” the experience, what it means to serve in the military. And I decided that for me….pay attention non-military people… that acknowledgement of the difference is a what I can say and give back, because in acknowledging their choice and courage to enlist, it also acknowledges the extremes many have gone through because they enlisted, and I did not…..and it validates the brutal nature of so many of their experiences, the grief and rage and loss in that life they chose. That I did not.

Thank you all for keeping me safe. I love you all.

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This first appeared in The Havok Journal on November 14, 2024.

Shelly Harlow is the mother of two US Army veterans. She has worked for the last 20 years in the mental health field with those who have seen and endured more than most humans should ever have to and believes firmly that we are our own most powerful healers. Her own background and history are the foundation for her work with others and for her writing. Her hard-headedness has taken her further than any degree ever has. She remains a cynical optimist whose interest in humans has never faltered, knowing how flawed and amazing we all are.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.