If you served in the military no matter what branch of service you were in, you learned at some point the importance of having space to maneuver. Whether you were maneuvering pairs of boots, a tank, a ship, or a fighter jet, having adequate physical space was essential to executing maneuver smoothly and safely. Likewise, when we encounter challenges in life, our minds need maneuver space to mentally negotiate difficult moments. This series will highlight each month a different brief cognitive tool that you can use in your daily life to potentially create more maneuver space. Remember having maneuver space, or space to think, is a gift in life. Once you create it, use it to your advantage!
Using Parallels
The military is a team sport, not an individual sport, and the lowest echelon of this team is the two-person team. In this team, each member always looks out for the other, whether in combat or in garrison. The term, ‘I’ve Got Your Back’, becomes not simply a figure of speech, but a true definition of military culture. While the specific nomenclature can sometimes differ by service branch; battle buddy, shipmate, wingman, guardian, or simply brother/sister, these are byproducts of the fixed, collective, and ‘we’ based military culture. The military is a culture where the group’s goals are placed ahead of personal goals and success is measured by group achievement. Fixed military culture is in stark contrast to the fluid individualistic ‘I’ based civilian culture that is predominant in the United States. Civilian culture places the emphasis on individual achievement and self-reliance. The below model helps illustrate the potential gap or divide that exists:
Find Your New Unit
Upon separation, the service member who has now become a Veteran, is severed from the collective military culture and the bond of the two-person team. While this bond can never be re-created, it can be re-connected by encouraging a Veteran to engage in parallels that help re-establish a sense of community and that somebody or something ‘Has Their Back’. A parallel can be seen as anything in life that is similar in comparison. Some people say that a good parallel has interwoven components of a metaphor, analogy, or allegory. I like to simply see them as a way to ‘re-frame’ your perspective and ultimately, create more mental maneuver space. A parallel does not necessarily have to take the form of a physical person or individual. Some possible parallels might be:
- Joining a Veterans Service Organization
- Engaging in a sport/athletic pursuit
- Joining a student Veterans group
- Volunteering to help in your local community
- Staying engaged with family/friends
- Thriving in your vocational/professional career
- Involving yourself in Veteran community advocacy
- Focusing on your favorite hobby/pleasurable activity
- Staying active in a church/religious/spiritual community
Involving yourself in as many parallels as possible can potentially help recreate the collective ‘we’ based culture that is lost when you separate from the service. It is likely not possible to fully recreate in civilian life the same battle buddy, shipmate, wingman, guardian, or simply brother/sister that the military brought us. However, what is fully achievable is finding parallels that can re-create a similar sense of community connection, or unit, where somebody or something is telling you consistently: ‘I’ve Got Your Back’.[2]
Parallels Provide Connection
The military is an insular world. Collective warrior cultures have their own temperaments with members typically staying exclusive to their community and often mistrustful of outsiders with different life experiences. Connection to this warrior culture lasts long after a service member is in uniform and extends into their Veteran identity. Because of the military/civilian gap or divide, many Veterans often feel lost when released back into an individualistic world. “Isolation kills and emotional pain can only be processed in the community.”[3] Connection thru parallels creates more mental maneuver space and can allow a Veteran to find purpose, even in an individualistic world.
About the Author: Mr. Bongioanni is a licensed mental health counselor who alsoworks for the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. He is also a senior leader in the U.S. Army Reserve. His professional interests include human behavior, applied psychology, and military cultural competence. The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, the U.S. Department of Defense, or the U.S. Government.
Check out past issues of Maneuver Space below:
Maneuver Space: Volume 1, Issue 1
Maneuver Space: Volume 1, Issue 2
Maneuver Space: Volume 1, Issue 3
Maneuver Space: Volume 1, Issue 4
Maneuver Space: Volume 1, Issue 5
Maneuver Space: Volume 1, Issue 6
Maneuver Space: Volume 1, Issue 7
Needs vs. Wants: Maneuver Space (Volume 1, Issue 8)
Marksmanship and Mindfulness: Maneuver Space (Volume 1, Issue 9)
Applying Counterinsurgency Tactics to Problem Solving: Maneuver Space (Volume 1, Issue 10)
[1] Adapted From: Bongioanni, M. “Skill Building Session: Power of the Parallel: Culturally Appropriate Approaches when Working with Veterans and Military”. Presented at the American Psychological Association Virtual Conference, 12-14 August, 2021.
[2] Bongioanni, M. “A New Team for A New Battle: Making Connections After Your Discharge.”. Published in ‘Forward March’ the United War Veterans Council Commemorative Magazine for the NYC Veterans Day Parade, 2017.
[3] Bobrow, J. (2015). Waking Up From War. Durham, NC: Pitchstone Publishing; 39.
As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.
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