Veteran-Owned Startup Launches “Disposable Civvies” for Marines Who Just Want a Damn Red Bull

by Brad Chillier

(Courtesy of our friends at Article 107 News*)

In a bold move that’s equal parts ingenuity and Marine-proof simplicity, veteran-owned clothing company Duds for Devil Dogs has unveiled its latest innovation: fully disposable civilian clothing—designed specifically for Marines who just need to grab a can of Monster without catching heat from a crusty Gunny.

Using cutting-edge manufacturing techniques (read: probably paper towels and desperation) and eco-friendly materials, Duds for Devil Dogs has created a slip-on, one-time-use outer garment that Marines can throw over their uniforms to sidestep the Corps’ strict off-base attire regulations.

Current USMC policy forbids Marines from stopping at gas stations or convenience stores in uniform—a rule that, oddly enough, does not apply to their Navy counterparts. The logic behind this discrepancy remains as elusive as a motivated lance corporal on field day.

“With our new disposable civvies, a Marine can just slip them on over their cammies, grab their essentials—energy drinks, nicotine pouches, and maybe some ramen—and then toss the outfit straight into the nearest trash can,” explained company spokesman Seymor Johnson, whose parents apparently had a sense of humor. “It’s the perfect solution for the warfighter who values both mission readiness and impulse snack purchases.”

The company recently tested the product at Camp Lejeune, where one lance corporal was seen exiting a gas station clad in the revolutionary attire. “These things are genius,” he said between sips of a Bang energy drink. “Now I can run in, grab my stuff, and not have to worry about some off-duty Gunny materializing out of thin air to knife-hand me into oblivion.”

Early reviews from the Marine test group have been overwhelmingly positive, with the main concern being whether the disposable clothes will be more or less durable than the issued PT gear. Despite this minor debate, Duds for Devil Dogs is moving forward with full production, with plans to expand the line to include limited-edition designs such as “Vaguely Civilian” and “Trust Me, I’m Not a Marine.”

The new disposable civvies will hit the market this spring—just in time for another generation of Marines to push the limits of common sense and uniform regulations.

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*Article 107 News: The Facts, Before They Happen
Article 107 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “false official statements.” As the name implies, Art107 News is Havok Journal’s satire wing, and you shouldn’t take anything published under this byline seriously. You should., however, mercilessly mock anyone who does.