Nobel Committee Forced to Award Peace Prize To U.S. President Who “Actually Did Something”

by Hugh Jashol for Article 107 News*

Oslo, Norway – In a historic break from tradition, the Nobel Committee shocked the world this week by announcing it was awarding the Nobel Peace Prize to a U.S. President who, in their words, “actually did something:” President Donald J. Trump.

The announcement marks a stunning departure from 2009, when then-President Barack Obama received the prize for the bold and unprecedented act of… well, nobody’s really sure. But I’m sure there were reasons.

“Back then, our bar was low. Extremely low,” explained Nobel Committee spokesperson Lars Håvardsson. “We were basically grading on vibes. Obama had only been in office a few months, but he smiled nicely and said ‘hope and change’ a lot. That was enough for us.”

Fast-forward to 2025, when the committee found itself cornered by a deeply uncomfortable reality: President Donald J. Trump, despite a reputation for meanly tweeting foreign policy at 3 a.m. and calling NATO allies ‘losers,’ managed to hammer out agreements, twist arms, and occasionally bully other countries into doing what America wanted—results the committee grudgingly admitted counted as ‘peace.’

“We tried very hard not to notice,” Håvardsson said, sighing. “But the evidence kept piling up. We prefer Presidents who talk about peace, not ones who actually make it happen while yelling at world leaders like a cranky uncle at Thanksgiving. But now, after a string of peace deals culminating with the Israel/Hamas ceasefire, we feel our hands are tied. We must acknowledge the achivements of a US president who actually… achieved something.”

Obama vs. Trump: A Nobel Cage Match

Critics have pointed out the contrast between the two awards. Obama won his prize before the ink was dry on his inaugural speech; Trump, however, reportedly won his after the committee got tired of pretending that angry press conferences and oddly effective trade deals don’t count as diplomacy.

One insider put it bluntly: “Obama promised peace. Trump negotiated it between insulting everyone in the room. It’s sort of like giving Employee of the Month to the guy who screamed at customers but somehow still closed the sale. It’s weird that in a strong-arm world, a strong-arm guy got results where limp wristed self-doubters couldn’t. Weird.”

Reaction in the U.S.

The response has been predictably polarized.

• Democrats accused the committee of “lowering global standards for diplomacy” and “rewarding bad manners.”
• Republicans responded by demanding that Trump also receive retroactive Oscars, Grammys, and at least one Heisman Trophy.
• Former President Obama, reached for comment, politely muttered something about “well, at least I still have better Spotify playlists.”

Looking Ahead

The Nobel Committee insists this award doesn’t set a precedent. “Please don’t expect us to keep this up,” Håvardsson begged reporters. “If America elects another President who actually does something, we’re going to have to start working for a living. And frankly, we don’t get paid enough for that.”

---

*Article 107 News: The Facts, Before They Happen
Article 107 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “false official statements.” As the name implies, Art107 News is Havok Journal’s satire wing, and you shouldn’t take anything published under this byline seriously. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does.