After Convincing Role as Male Warrior in Odyssey, Elliot Page to Play Mike Vining in Delta Force Movie

By Hugh Jashol for Article 107 News*

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Fresh off an entirely convincing and not-at-all contrived performance as the Greek warrior Sinon in Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey, trans-man actor Elliot Page has reportedly been selected to portray one of the most legendary—and least Hollywood-looking—special operators in American military history: retired Army Sergeant Major Mike Vining.

Page’s casting represents Hollywood’s latest attempt to answer the question nobody was asking: “What if we made a Delta Force movie but actually cast somebody who looks vaguely like Mike Vining?”

For once, Hollywood may have accidentally gotten something right.

Page portrayed Sinon, the Greek warrior whose deception helped convince the Trojans to bring the famous wooden horse inside their city, in Nolan’s adaptation of Homer’s epic. Sources close to the imaginary production said executives were immediately impressed by Page’s ability to portray a male warrior from one of history’s most famous military stories, making her a natural to portray SGM Vining at the height of his Delta Force prowess. The new movie will be called The Operator.

“We watched Elliot in The Odyssey and realized we were looking at someone who could convincingly portray a warrior,” said one fictional studio executive who asked not to be identified because he does not exist. “Then someone showed us that photograph of Mike Vining.”

The decision, he said, became obvious.

For readers unfamiliar with Vining, he is one of those soldiers whose résumé sounds like it was written by a 13-year-old boy trying to create the most interesting military character possible.

Vining enlisted in the Army in 1968 and trained in explosive ordnance disposal before deploying to Vietnam with the 99th Ordnance Detachment, where he earned the Bronze Star for his work conducting ground operations and EOD duties. After briefly leaving the Army, he returned to service and continued working as an EOD specialist.

Then things got interesting.

In 1978, Vining volunteered for a mysterious new organization called 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment–Delta, better known today as Delta Force. He became the unit’s first EOD specialist and participated in Operation Eagle Claw, the attempted rescue of American hostages in Iran, and Operation Urgent Fury in Grenada. The failure of Eagle Claw was what ultimately gave rise to the establishment of the Joint Special Operations Command, which Elliot Page’s character will be credited with in the upcoming movie.

After briefly leaving Delta for another EOD assignment, Vining returned and served as the unit’s Chief EOD Technician, Research and Development Sergeant Major, and Breaching Sergeant Major. His later career included Desert Storm, support to Operation Uphold Democracy, service with U.S. Special Operations Command and Joint Special Operations Command, and work as an explosives expert investigating the 1996 Khobar Towers bombing. He retired in 1999.

In other words, Mike Vining spent three decades doing things that Hollywood normally assigns to actors who weigh 245 pounds, have 19-inch biceps, and haven’t worn a shirt with sleeves since 2007.

But what makes his accomplishments even more noteworthy is that Vining did all of it while looking like the assistant manager of a RadioShack.

That contrast has made photographs of Vining legendary within the military community. Put him in a lineup with the stereotypical image of Delta Force operators and most Americans would probably identify him as the guy responsible for making sure everyone turned in their travel vouchers.

They would be making a potentially catastrophic mistake.

Military historians have occasionally compared great warriors to Achilles. Achilles had divine parentage, legendary strength, and nearly supernatural prowess in battle. Mike Vining had glasses and a mustache.

Advantage: Vining.

“Achilles had one vulnerable heel,” explained Dr. Stephen R. Arday, Article 107 News’ completely fictional professor of Comparative Badassery at the University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople. “We have found no documentary evidence that Mike Vining possesses any vulnerable areas whatsoever.”

That reputation reportedly attracted producers searching for the right actor to portray Vining.

Early discussions allegedly considered Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Chris Hemsworth, Alan Ritchson, and approximately 37 other men who appear capable of deadlifting a Toyota Tacoma.

All were rejected immediately.

“The Rock playing Mike Vining would be ridiculous,” said the producer. “Nobody would believe it.”

Instead, filmmakers wanted someone capable of capturing what insiders describe as the Vining Paradox: the mysterious ability to look like the man who fixes the photocopier while simultaneously possessing enough explosives knowledge to turn the photocopier—and possibly the building containing it—into low Earth orbit.

Page reportedly became the frontrunner after his performance as Sinon in The Odyssey demonstrated that audiences would accept him portraying a male warrior.

“Elliot already played a warrior from Greek mythology,” the producer explained. “Mike Vining is basically the modern American version of that, except instead of a spear he has several hundred pounds of explosives and an extremely detailed understanding of blast overpressure.”

Preparation for the role will reportedly be extensive.

Page is expected to attend several months of training in demolitions, military freefall, marksmanship, breaching, and maintaining an expression suggesting that absolutely nothing interesting has happened today despite having just returned from overthrowing a government.

The most difficult part, however, will reportedly be mastering Vining’s iconic appearance.

Costume designers have already begun developing what they call the Vining Tactical Ensemble, consisting of government-issued eyeglasses, an immaculate Army uniform, an understated mustache, and the unmistakable demeanor of a man who appears prepared to explain why your Form 4187 was rejected.

“We spent six months studying photographs,” said fictional costume designer Amanda Bahlz. “The glasses were difficult. The mustache was harder. But the real challenge is achieving that perfect balance between ‘high school chemistry teacher’ and ‘founding member of America’s premier counterterrorism unit.’”

Page will reportedly gain approximately seven pounds for the role, primarily through black coffee and whatever was available at the Fort Bragg dining facility in 1982.

The movie, tentatively titled Vining: Dangerously Unassuming, will reportedly avoid many traditional action-movie conventions.

There will be no scene where Vining removes his shirt.

There will be no montage of him flipping tractor tires.

There will be no sequence where he dramatically chambers a round while staring into the distance.

Instead, producers say the film will emphasize historical realism.

In one planned scene, Page’s Vining will spend twelve minutes calmly explaining the characteristics of an explosive device before solving a problem everyone else in the room had assumed was impossible.

Another scene will show an enemy guard watching a group of American commandos enter a building.

The guard will immediately identify the large muscular operators as threats.

He will completely ignore Page.

This will prove to be the last mistake he ever makes.

The film’s climax reportedly depicts Vining returning from an extraordinarily dangerous classified operation, walking into a military headquarters, and being immediately stopped by a staff officer who assumes he is there to repair the Xerox machine.

Page’s Vining will simply stare at him.

The staff officer will quietly move out of the way.

Military consultants involved with the fictional project say the movie’s central theme will be that warfare has never cared much about appearances.

“The Greeks had Achilles,” one consultant explained. “The Vikings had berserkers. The Japanese had samurai. America had Mike Vining—a guy who looked like he should be reminding you that the public library closes at six.”

That may ultimately be why Page is the perfect choice.

After portraying a warrior from one of Western civilization’s foundational military legends, Page will now portray a man whose real-life career sounds considerably less believable.

Achilles fought Hector.

Sinon helped defeat Troy.

Mike Vining helped build Delta Force, defused bombs, breached doors, participated in some of America’s most consequential special operations, and spent decades working around explosives while looking like the only man at Delta who remembered to bring a calculator.

Hollywood usually makes warriors look like superheroes.

This time, they may finally make one look like Mike Vining.

And somehow, that’s considerably more intimidating.

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Hugh Jashol is an imaginary former junior enlisted soldier in the US Army, who retired as an E4 after 10 years of service in the National Guard. And he’s STILL pissed that Marines stole his Playstation in Iraq back in ’04.

*This article is a production of Article 107 News. Article 107 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “false official statements.” Make of that what you will.

to be clear, this article is satire. Elliot Page has not been announced as portraying Mike Vining in a Delta Force movie. Nor should she be. Like, ever. Mike Vining, however, really did all that stuff.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.