A Taliban Feast: A “Written in Taliban” Series

by Scott Chapman, Matthew Griffin, and Russ Pritchard

The last time I saw you was the first day we celebrated our 20-year Jihad victory. The year was 1400 Asad 24 when we ousted you Infidels from our holy land. It was a glorious day of bloodletting the cowards in Kabul. August 15, 2023, is the two-year anniversary.

Today, we recognize our new national holiday. According to your Infidel calendar, we recognize the 15th day of August 2021, as “The Day of Victory of the Taliban’s Jihad against the American Occupation and its Allies.” Henceforth recognized by the Taliban’s “Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs.”

You left Bagram in the middle of the night. It was the only defensible base left in Afghanistan. You retreated to a civilian airport. You fled like scared children chased by Bala Hissar. Frightened toddlers who abandoned their armored vehicles, helicopters, and family photos to escape the relentless Taliban Boogeyman. 

Your politicians use made-up phrases like O.B.E. (Overcome By Events) to desensitize the consequences of the weapons you left behind. You were not Overcome By Events, you were O.B.T. – Overcome By Taliban. We aren’t just the graveyard of America, we’re the Graveyard Of Empires. We defeated the Mongol Empire in the 14^th century the same way we outlasted the Russians in the 20^th century. Now, in the 21^st century, you have been defeated.  

Rather than stand and fight like men, you ordered the Afghan Air Force (AAF) and Special Mission Wing (SMW) to flee to Tajikistan and Uzbekistan with all available aircraft. We smiled at them in the morning, then shot at them in the afternoon. They did what you told them to do, and now they are in your country working menial jobs. They’re separated from their families you promised to save. You’re a country of broken promises.

The once-great United States of America has shown its true colors to the world. Why would anyone want to be an ally to someone like you?

During your last days of infamy at the airport, we watched your castrated fighters stand helpless while we executed your allies. They stood shoulder-to-shoulder with our Taliban fighters while we whipped civilians into submission. We flexed our strength while you cowered in the airport towers. Today we stand tall while you shriek under a golden idol of false strength.

We rejoiced over the 13 Americans sacrificed by your government and praise Allah for the noble fighter who carried out his suicide mission. In our original article titled, “Written in Taliban,” we wrote, “What honors do your fighters receive? Their empty sacrifice is remembered in the form of a three-day weekend. The majority of your population uses this sacred time to get drunk and grow more fat as a way to celebrate their fallen warriors.” 

The world once viewed the American flag as a symbol of righteousness, courage, and dignity. Now, it’s an indignant corporate symbol of greed and manipulation. Abominable retired American General Officers sneered at the chaos they created from their plush air-conditioned offices at Halliburton and Raytheon. It’s no wonder why the rest of the world hates you.

We watched from our homeland as your veterans testified to the House Foreign Affairs Committee. Your government, through its After Action Report, passed blame to anyone but themselves.

As prophesied by Allah in our original article, those 13 dead Americans at Abbey Gate submitted their “empty sacrifice” to receive a posthumous Congressional Gold Medal award. The irony of your Congress to award a worthless gesture to the families of the same service members they murdered further cripples your fighting force. How was your 3-day weekend?

As our first act, we donned American uniforms, carried American weapons, and drove American armored vehicles to hunt down traitors. We used the tactics and strategies your Green Berets taught us.

We use the biometrics (HIIDE) system you left behind to identify anyone who collaborated with you. We have access to their family information, photographs, fingerprints, DNA samples, and pictures of their retinas. We use these portable biometric scanners to hunt and exterminate at will. Every day we’re amazed why the U.S. doesn’t shut down this valuable database. Then we remember, your government supports us in all the dark corners.

When we find your allies, we hang them from cranes in public squares. We shoot them in front of their families. We drown them in the rivers. We suffocate them with plastic bags. We electrocute them. We make them lay on explosives. We force grenades in their anuses. There are so many creative ways to kill our enemies. We love to decapitate their children then rape their wives, daughters, and sons.

You set up Afghan refugee camps inside the most prominent military bases throughout your country. Seventy-five thousand unknown Afghans were on these military bases for months. They carried cell phones and sent photos of your bases back to Afghanistan using WIFI provided by your American taxpayers. Many wandered off into the night never to be heard from you again. Now, they live among you and wait. The Taliban is patient. We have the personal cell phone numbers of the American military officers who ran these makeshift camps. We know so much more about you now, thanks to our Russian and Chinese partners.

We watched your civilians set up nonprofits to bring Afghans to your country. Politically motivated daydreams of Afghan children landing on the tarmac, being handed coloring books and little American flags to wave at the cameras. We laugh while your gullible citizens continue to believe lie, after lie, after lie.

Your efforts looked noble in the beginning, but as the months wore on, your corruption spewed forth. It became obvious many non-profits were mere political stunts. Money raised for food, wood, and medicine remained locked in their pockets. A few honest ones prevailed through the muck. They existed to help Afghans and remained outside of politics. These are values we share and respect.  

It’s said more than 1,500 Afghan minor children are in the U.S. without their families. There’s no plan to reunite them. You may think you were noble when you stole these children, but have you spoken with their parents? If you did, you would find most feel you kidnapped their children. You are not the heroes you think you are.

Our new national holiday was earned with patience and deliberate help from your Government. Pampered Americans remain blinded by their televisions. Our cucks in D.C. stand behind the American flag but only feign to put America first. They never intended to erase our existence. They’ve supported us behind closed doors, in the shadows, and in the dark corners. While you weep for your absent friends and pray for your severed families, they continue to guide our Jihad.

The alphabet letter agencies that you call ‘intelligence’ shut their phones down when your last plane retreated from our airspace. All your Afghan intelligence assets, sources, and spies found their phones fall silent. Even we know never to abandon a source. We used that silence to recruit our surging Jihad. When you decided to spy on us again, we were ready. Your efforts melted like Ice Cream in the warm Afghan sun. Those alphabet agencies and your puppet President remain silent while we massacre your Afghan allies – you know – the ones you abandoned.

We ignore your travel sanctions and go where we want, when we want. Your FBI’s “Most Wanted” list of Afghans is a meaningless hoax perpetrated upon the American people. You never wanted to disrupt our Haqqani network. Our network leaders work regular office hours in the government offices you built for us. We fly in the helicopters and planes you left for us. We don’t hide because we know you will do nothing.

We inspected the American side at the Kabul Air Wing a year after you left. Your refrigerators were filled with spoiled food. Tables still had remains of half-eaten rotted meals. On the walls were personal photographs while civilian clothes lay scattered around the personal quarters. “It looked bad bro. It looked like you ran away scared.”  

When we visited your side of the airfield, we found over 50,000 aircraft parts in one hangar alone. There were countless hangers stocked with everything we need to maintain our new Air Force, paid for by your taxpayers who drown in student loans, mortgages, inflation, and suffocating medical costs.

Your government panders to your public while they funnel funds to our masculine fighters. Since the day of our Jihad victory in Kabul, your government continues to send your tax dollars to our Taliban soldiers. $40 million per week since the day you left with the lights on. $40 million dollars. Every. Single. Week. Soon, you’ll bear witness to the wretched deceit by the release of those blood-stained receipts. 

Your $40 million a week is used to rebuild our military, to pay pensions to the widows and children you made fatherless during your occupation, to fund our great drug trade, and to enrich our loyal warlords. It’s an American trait to think you can buy your friends and allies. We’ll never turn your filthy money away. 

We wish to thank you for your efforts to keep the UN World Food Program flowing. This is how we feed our Taliban loyalists and Jihad training camps. We use your money to feed the Al Qaeda warriors for their global Jihad. You didn’t think all that food went to the poor, did you? The UN says 94% of Afghan households face food shortages. It’s because we give the food to who WE want; not who YOU want.

You believed our lies when we guaranteed equal rights for women. We shut down their schools as our first act of retribution. If they tried to stay open, we bombed them closed. If they still won’t listen, we poisoned their water and food. In strict Sharia Law fashion, we’ve taken away their ability to be out in public. No parks. No restaurants. No gyms. No life.

A woman must stay at home and wait for directions from her husband or father. Women are property; nothing more. A sole vesicle to bear an Afghan boy. If they deviate from our rules, we stone, shoot, or rape them to death. Do you know how many times a woman must be raped until she dies? We do. Dogs in your country have more freedom than an Afghan woman.

You fools, we guarded the gates at HKIA. We decided who entered the airport and went to the U.S.A. The people on those planes who came to your country as refugees were chosen by us. We dropped our AKs and entered the gates before they slammed shut for the last time. Your government gave us new names, legitimized us with social security cards and asylum. You invaded our homes and wiped your filthy feet upon our holy land. Now, it’s our turn to bring the fight to your front door. 

We fly our flags in Houston, Texas, and celebrate our victory in your streets. Your intelligence agencies sit idle while we build cells that will soon show you the true meaning of the word terror. You continue to suckle on endless entertainment while we grow stronger by the day. 

Your State Department created an impossible system to evacuate our Afghan traitors. Your government delivered our enemies as sport for our Red Units to hunt, rape, and torture.

The UN reports we have more than twenty terrorist organizations training inside Afghanistan. They also list, by name, the government leaders who are Al Qaeda. Hundreds of Al Qaeda fighters train our camps all around Afghanistan. Do you remember your old friend Al Qaeda? Do you even remember 9/11? What about Extortion 17? We think you’re due for a reminder.

Over the past 2 years, the Special Inspector General for Afghanistan Reconstruction (SIGAR) reported on and distributed a deluge of reports to the U.S. Congress. At first, we were unsure how our exploits would be received. After 2 years of unrestricted mayhem and Taliban military growth, we realized those reports are ignored. Even your own Department of Defense won’t answer their inquiries.

It strengthens our Jihad when no one acts on these reports. We’re not surprised Americans are indifferent to how their money is spent. You allow your government to waste billions in Ukraine, so why not waste billions more in Afghanistan too? We often wonder who is in charge of your country.  

In May of this year, we issued our first call to arms in your country. Our rally call was ignored by your media and intelligence agencies. We used Twitter to push our message far and wide, “Kill the fugitives with knives. If anyone preaches against our country, go kill them. We have hundreds of volunteers in Europe and America, they just need organization and leadership.”

We love your southern border with Mexico. We cross it almost every day. Our terrorist cells form on your soil while we lay in wait. Our white-and-black Taliban flags have been flying in your country since we first arrived. Our Taliban soldiers dance in your streets while your First Amendment protects our Freedom of Expression. We aren’t hard to find. We don’t always hide. Your laws protect our Jihad.

You can find us on YouTube and in States like Texas and California. Where else are we? Ohio, Washington, or New York perhaps? Wouldn’t you like to know? Someday, you will. We know where the Afghans in the U.S. live. We track them through social media and plot to take vengeance on your soil.

We defeated you in the longest war in American history. We’re coming for you. We are already here. We deliver food to your homes. We drive your trucks. We sort your packages. This is our Holy war. This is our Jihad. Look over your shoulder America. As we have said to many before you, YOU HAVE THE WATCH. WE HAVE THE TIME.

_____________________________

Scott “Longboard” Chapman served in 2nd Battalion 75th Ranger Regiment from 2001-2005. He deployed to Iraq during the 2003 invasion and then to the Afghan theatre 4 times. After the military, Scott worked in the executive protection space and then as an OGA security contractor. Providing security support to the Intelligence community where he deployed 17 times; mostly to the Forward Operating Bases (FOB). He provided security support for Intelligence personnel and operations. Scott continues to work in the contract security area.

Matthew “Griff” Griffin is a former Special Operations Army Ranger and a West Point Graduate. He served four combat tours in Afghanistan and Iraq with the 2nd Ranger Battalion. Griff departed the military in 2006 and co-founded Combat Flip Flops; manufacturing fashion and lifestyle products in war zones, with profits supporting girl’s education, land mine clearance, and veteran’s charities.

Russ Pritchard is an independent journalist, professional writer, former Chief Marketing Officer, flight medic, triathlete, husband, father, and grandfather. Russ is the co-founder of the Afghan Medical Corps and the Afghan-American Development Group.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.