The Dreamer

I’ve been called a dreamer for most of my life. The people closest to me have seen me cast wide nets with often ambitious goals, only to watch me—in their eyes—abandon things and move on to something else. My brain is always scrambling for new ideas and striving for purpose. I never really abandon anything; I just set it aside for a while in hopes of finishing other tasks. Some say that’s a sign of ADHD. Who knows? What good is a diagnosis anyway? It doesn’t change the sporadic nature of my creative process, so why carry the stigma if it doesn’t help achieve my goals? This is just how I am—it’s all part of the process.

The ironic part is that I do complete tasks. As a kid, I wanted to write books, be a soldier, and be a scientist. I’ve done all of those things—mostly. One of the other problems I’ve had is that I dissect every achievement and failure ad nauseam and am never truly satisfied with completing something I set out to do. For example, I technically studied science and worked in a lab for a while in college, but the war got in the way of completing that degree. By the time I went back to school, I had changed majors. Hmm… this doesn’t help my case.

College was wild anyway. I felt at times like I was quadruple majoring because I had so many interests. I was technically majoring in environmental biology but flirted with double majoring in Civil War history—believe it or not. I was advised to pick one or the other, but I stubbornly took more history electives than necessary. I also wanted to major in English and film, so I took more of those classes than required too. I’ve produced films and written books. I was even briefly employed as a history tour guide. Nothing has been wasted. My actual degree is in Biblical Studies, by the way…

I don’t mind being labeled a dreamer. I may miss more than I hit, but I never stop dreaming. I never stop taking aim and shooting my shot. Life would be pretty boring if I stopped having these frantic moments of creativity. Best-selling author Steven Pressfield calls this creative inkling “the Muse.” He says, “In short, if the Muse exists, she does not whisper to the untalented.” That’s at least encouraging. I have the talent; I just have to own it and bring these manic ideas to the finish line—at least once in a while—and I am! To the uninitiated, it may look like I’m chasing my tail, but in truth, I’m just chasing the creative urge and letting it take me to whatever fateful end.

What do you dream about? What creative venture won’t let you sleep at night? Double down and chase that bad boy. Make it submit to your will. You were designed uniquely to do what only you can do—so get after it. We can be dreamers together.

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Stan Lake is a writer, photographer, and filmmaker from Bethania, North Carolina. His work has been published in Reptiles Magazine, Dirtbag Magazine, Lethal Minds Journal, Backcountry Journal, Wildlife in North Carolina, SOFLETE, The Tarheel Guardsman, Wildsound Writing Festival, and others. His poetry collection “A Toad in a Glass Jar” is scheduled for publication in late fall 2024 by Dead Reckoning Collective. He has written three Children’s books and one Christian Devotional book. He filmed and directed a documentary about his deployment in Iraq with the Army called “Hammer Down.” He spends most of his free time wrangling toads.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.