I Couldn’t Have Said It Better

It’s tough out there. Initially, I thought I could just write about some good movies and moods and leave it at that. But my back brain worked overtime, and I realized just how tough it really is—especially for veterans. It doesn’t seem like anyone cares, with the new administration even hinting at cuts to veterans’ benefits.

I let that churn for another twelve hours before coming back to this essay. Here’s the hard stuff: what do they say about NOT being paranoid? If someone really is out to get you, it’s not paranoia. The same applies if you feel alone—especially during the holidays. Holiday for whom? This is the first time in decades my wife and I spent Thanksgiving alone, and we’ll be alone again for Christmas, which is also her birthday. My eczema is flaring up again. What’s it about? Stress.

I started talking to friends, planning things around her birthday. It’s helping, slowly. The key is reaching out, being compassionate with yourself, and getting help if needed. I’m even working up the courage to talk with her about it—to lessen the fear of “incoming” worries. The world is far from perfect, but I’ve learned I need to lighten up on myself and others.

Lesson learned: don’t try to do everything yourself. Reach out. Let someone help or turn on the light for you.

Speaking of light, a friend reminded me of its power. I was walking home from synagogue when I saw him stringing up lights. He’s a retired guidance counselor who “survived the wars” in many ways. He told me they weren’t Christmas lights—just lights. “In these dark times, anything we can do to bring more light into the world is a good thing,” he said. I couldn’t agree more.

Light plays a role in all traditions. It could be a meaningful project for family or friends to explore how different cultures use light. Each person could research a new tradition—something foreign to them—and share it during a gathering. It’s a way to understand and appreciate the “Other,” which also brings light into the world.

If that sounds too nerdy, let’s simplify: how about lighting up someone else’s eyes? How can you make them twinkle? Maybe try tickling a baby’s toes. (Pick your audience wisely, though—this probably won’t work in a bar.) Better yet, buy someone a drink and share a good thought together.

Here are some ideas for spreading light:

1. Watch the winter light playing through the trees in the late afternoon.
2. Appreciate the first snowfall (if it’s light).
3. Call a friend you haven’t seen in a while.
4. Help a neighbor or stranger.
5. Smile and be kind.
6. Start a friendly competition—catch a snowflake on your tongue every time it snows.

Silliness counts. Laughter lightens burdens, and laughing with others brings even more light into the world. Go for it in your own way, and share.

Sometimes, the little moments make it all worth it. My wife and I went for a walk along the Milwaukee River on a crisp afternoon. The temperature was in the low 40s, and the scene was serene: wild plants stripped of greenery stood tall, their seed pods waiting for the right moment. The river was iced along the edges, and fallen branches created patterns in the current.

Not many people were out, but everyone smiled and said hello. One older couple stopped to say hi, and the man handed my wife a small card. Later, she gave it to me. It was heavy-stock white plastic. On one side, a hand held up a rainbow heart with the message: Spread kindness, it’s free! Below it read: Not my first festival. On the reverse, in bold letters:

You’re fucking amazing! Keep that shit up!

To all of you out there: I couldn’t have said it better. Consider the card sent.

You are all fucking amazing. Keep spreading kindness.

___________________________

Ken was a Professor of Mathematics, a ceramicist, a welder, and an IBMer until downsized in 2000. He taught yoga until COVID-19 decided otherwise. He continues writing, living with his wife and beagle in Shorewood, Wisconsin. He enjoys chamber music and mysteries. He’s a homebrewer and runs whitewater rivers. Ken is a writer and his literary works can be found at https://www.kmkbooks.com/

He welcomes feedback on his articles and can be reached at havokjournal@havokmedia.com.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.