Breaking the Wall Between Thinking and Doing

When I get something stuck in my head, it festers, with ideas multiplying like the eggs of some parasite. Until I end up checking it off my to‑do list, I drive myself crazy. Of course, I typically get stressed out thinking of all the variables that will culminate in my success or failure if I take on said project or creative venture. That tends to overwhelm me, and before I get busy with the task at hand, I obsess until I crash. Once I’ve come out the other side of that funk, I get to work.

It’s a dumb process, I’ll admit it, but it works. I don’t do it purposely; it’s how my brain is wired. I’m sure there are myriad diagnoses that I could ascribe to myself, and likely doctors and counselors over the years have tried to give me labels I refused to accept. What good does it do to give something a name? It changes nothing in my life, other than potentially giving me a stigma to overcome. There’s enough on my plate without branding myself with this or that medical title.

I understand my rhythms. It’s taken a long time to figure it out. Now that I have, the process goes much more smoothly. An example of this lately is my outdoor tortoise enclosure. What, you don’t have one of those at your house? I’ve been obsessing about rebuilding the perimeter walls and expanding their outdoor habitat. I’ve been stuck for months considering what type of lumber I should use, how exactly I wanted to build the structure, where the new walls would go, and what to do with all the old screw‑riddled lumber.

To add insult to injury, the boulder‑filled pond within the enclosure leaked for the last time this winter, and I decided that when it rains, it pours. So, over the past few weeks, I stopped thinking about it. I’ll figure it out as I go. The old pond has to come out, and the walls have to get torn down. So, I’ll start there. I can’t ponder it to completion. It’s beyond time for action.

This has been a fun challenge both mentally and physically. Each day after work—and on my lunch breaks—I go outside and do the dirty work. I’ll use a pry bar to get concrete‑encrusted 4×4 posts from the ground. I’ve unscrewed planks, Saw‑Zawed stubborn boards, and dug hole after hole to free things from the soil.

I work at a shamefully slow pace, but stuff gets done. This week I’ve pulled limestone and granite boulders out of the old pond rock by rock. Over the last decade, my cure‑all to fix pond leaks and water‑flow issues was adding five to ten bags of concrete. Now I have thousands of pounds of oddly shaped concrete blobs to pry, pound with a sledgehammer, and break chunk by chunk. I feel like a prisoner from another era, making big rocks into smaller rocks and piling them by type. I’ve learned that broken quartz rocks are as sharp as razor blades. I discovered that if I throw too many large boulders—or manhandle them out of a swampy hole—tendons I didn’t know I had in my elbow burn like they’re on fire. But I’m making progress.

A few weeks ago, I’d have never believed I’d be this far along without the aid of a machine. Most of the walls have been torn down, their posts are ripped from the ground, and the old lumber is neatly stacked, awaiting the burn pile or dumpster—TBD. I have removed nearly every small and large rock from inside the massive pond. Soon I should be able to yank the old liner out of the hole with brute strength or possibly my truck. There’s a metaphor for life in here, I’m sure. The lesson is probably about not overthinking and getting to work. Letting a plan form as you go—or whatever. Either way, it feels better to be doing things versus just thinking about doing things.

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Stan Lake is a writer, photographer, and filmmaker currently living in Bethania, North Carolina with his wife Jess and their house full of animals. He split his time growing up between chasing wildlife and screaming on stages in hardcore bands you’ve never heard of. He has been published by Dead Reckoning Collective, The Havok Journal, Reptiles Magazine, Lethal Minds Journal, and many others. He filmed and directed a documentary called “Hammer Down” about his 2005 deployment in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom in with Alpha Battery 5-113^th of the NC Army National Guard. You can find his books, collected works, and social media accounts at www.stanlakecreates.com

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.