Don’t believe for a moment that you see what’s behind these eyes

by Aaron Smith

You see my smile
And kindness
I’ve worked so hard

Only to shroud

All the Terror and Misery
Every shred of Horror

I promise –
I’ve spent a lifetime
Or Ten Lifetimes

Learning how to secret them away from prying eyes

You think you want to know
But you don’t

To see as I’ve seen

Children torn apart

The smell of burnt gunpowder

Those sounds:
Clinking of spent rounds
The confident sound of new ones linked in

I promise you
You do not want this.

You think that you do, in your innocence
But this burden comes from many years of pain, loss, and sadness

Glorious sunrises
Magnificent sunsets
Meals shared with people of the Land
And then the next day
My brothers died
Torn apart

You think you want to know-

But you don’t

Don’t believe for a moment that you see what’s behind these eyes
If you know, then you know

The beauty of a small stream and cool water
A shared piece of bread,
And a smile in the middle of the Valley of Death
A short hug from a Brother
Whose Children are small
And you have held

Knowing, that tomorrow brings Terror-

Death-

Hate-

And Survival-

You do not want to know this
We know it for you
And that is enough.

__________

This first appeared in The Havok Journal on January 28, 2021.