If you served in the military no matter what branch of service you were in, you learned at some point the importance of having space to maneuver. Whether you were maneuvering pairs of boots, a tank, a ship, or a fighter jet, having adequate physical space was essential to executing maneuver smoothly and safely. Likewise, when we encounter challenges in life, our minds need maneuver space to mentally negotiate difficult moments. This series will highlight each month a different brief cognitive tool that you can use in your daily life to potentially create more maneuver space. Remember having maneuver space, or space to think, is a gift in life. Once you create it, use it to your advantage!
Trust Continuum
The 35th Commandant of the Marine Corps, Gen. James Amos, once stated that, “You can’t surge trust”.[1] Stated in the context of counterinsurgency operations being conducted in Afghanistan, this reflection continues to hold true today and in the future. Mutual trust is a key enabler of mission command and enhancing it both within military organizations and with our allies and partners is essential to mission accomplishment. What is interesting about trust, it that to gain it, we must first be willing to embrace vulnerability. This may seem contradictory and is likely what makes building trust extremely complex. Not only does it develop over time, but it varies from person to person and is often situation dependent. An individual might think, ‘I’m not sure I can trust you. I need to see if you are trustworthy before I share things that are important or meaningful.’ However, trust is not an all-or-nothing state. I may trust lending $100 to somebody and then not trust lending $1 to somebody else. Trust should therefore not be visualized linearly but as a continuum if we are to understand it within the context of mental maneuver space.
Visualizing the Trust Continuum
Sometimes I like to picture trust like a selector switch on a M16 series rifle. Selector switch to ‘Safe’ is the lowest level of trust and is where we feel little to no vulnerability. Things like indifference, anger, fear, blame, disconnection, and avoidance live here. These skills are ‘easy’ to embrace when you distrust something or someone. Arguably, we instinctually embrace these states because of our bodies and minds natural protection mechanisms. Selector switch to ‘Semi’ is the sympathy zone. Sympathy skills are of ‘average’ difficulty to embrace. We are expressing some vulnerability here, but we are still guarded. “I’m sorry that happened to you”, or “My condolences to your family”, are classic examples of sympathy. Selector switch to ‘Burst’ is the highest level of vulnerability and requires a ‘superior’ level of skill. This is where we find empathy, courage, compassion, connection, and acceptance. While the level of highest vulnerability, it is potentially also the path to profound internal and external trust. When we are looking to become more trusting of ourselves or others, we must walk the path of vulnerability to move the selector switch from safe to an environment of trust.
Embracing Vulnerability
Brené Brown, an academic and researcher who has done extensive work on the power of vulnerability, begins by discussing connection and our ability as humans to empathize, love, and belong which gives meaning to our lives. Shame unravels this connection by making us feel worthless. Vulnerability is not something we easily embrace. We try to numb it, but we can’t selectively numb. We numb both negative and positive connection and our lives then lack purpose and meeting. Being vulnerable is ultimately having the courage to be imperfect, the ability to feel worthy, and the compassion to be kind to ourselves and others. When we fully and authentically embrace vulnerability, we accept who we are individually.[3]
Having Trust = Understanding Vulnerability
The military is an insular world and warrior cultures are naturally skeptical and mistrustful of outsiders. Add on top of that potential traumatic experiences and it’s easy to see how sometimes it may be even more challenging for servicemembers and Veterans to build trust. As noted, perhaps being the most authentic, real, and genuine version of ourselves is an important first step to embracing vulnerability. This can help move our selector switch from the safety of protecting ourselves in low vulnerability to the high vulnerability risk of burst fire. It takes a lot of skill to build proficiency at engaging targets effectively on burst first. When we can embrace vulnerability with this level of precision, we create more maneuver space in our minds to build lasting internal and external trust.
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About the Author: Mr. Bongioanni is a licensed mental health counselor who alsoworks for the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. He is also a senior leader in the U.S. Army Reserve. His professional interests include human behavior, applied psychology, and military cultural competence. The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, the U.S. Department of Defense, or the U.S. Government.
[1] Grady, J. USMC Commandant: ‘You Can’t Surge Trust’, USNI News, Retrieved from: https://news.usni.org/2013/04/10/usmc-commandant-you-cant-surge-trust, April 10, 2013.
[2] Adapted from: Jacobson, B. Cultivating Compassion and Connection: How to Develop Shame Resilience with Survivors of MST, Presented as part of the VHA Office of Mental Health and Suicide Prevention MST Support Team Teleconference Training Series, December 7, 2023.
[3] Brown, B. (2010, June). The Power of Vulnerability (Video). TED Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability/transcript?subtitle=en
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