Maneuver Space: Finding Compromise

Volume 2, Issue 5, May 2024

If you served in the military no matter what branch of service you were in, you learned at some point the importance of having space to maneuver. Whether you were maneuvering pairs of boots, a tank, a ship, or a fighter jet, having adequate physical space was essential to executing maneuver smoothly and safely. Likewise, when we encounter challenges in life, our minds need maneuver space to mentally negotiate difficult moments. This series will highlight each month a different brief cognitive tool that you can use in your daily life to potentially create more maneuver space.  Remember having maneuver space, or space to think, is a gift in life. Once you create it, use it to your advantage!

Finding Compromise

Depending on what you did in the military, you likely at some point received some type of negotiation training. For those that served in the U.S. Army, it may have been presented as a set of tactical skills to use on the battlefield, perhaps to use when conducting key leader engagements (KLEs). For others, it may have been focused more as a set of leadership skills rooted in Army Doctrine Publication (ADP) 6-22, Army Leadership and the Profession. Several negotiation concepts, often taken from the private sector, can be found in U.S. Army doctrine such as the problem-solving approach, principled negotiation, interest-based negotiation, and alternatives to a negotiated agreement.[1]

Ultimately, negotiation techniques are a methodology to find compromise. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) embraces the idea that negotiation is also a key part of interpersonal effectiveness skills, which can help build new relationships, strengthen current ones, and deal with conflict situations. The simple idea that we must be willing to sometimes ‘Give to Get’ acknowledges that we also may need to concede or refuse in order to get what we want. When we find ways to compromise, we also create more mental maneuver space in our minds by obtaining objectives skillfully, building relationships, ending destructive ones, and finding ways to walk the middle path.^[2] The model below is potentially a way to conceptualize compromise in an interpersonal relational setting as something we can achieve three ways: 1) Full Concession, 2) Negotiation, or 3) Full Refusal.

Three Ways to Find Compromise

Way #1 Concession: Full concessions happen sometimes when we know that something is important to another person, but we don’t place much value in it. Anything left of the green line is an area of full concession which means that you compromise by conceding to any and all demands and place the decision fully in the other persons hands.

Potential Examples: ‘Its your birthday today, what do you want to do?’, ‘I don’t have an opinion on that, lets go with whatever you feel is right’, ‘I can see this is something really important to you, I’m supportive of whatever you choose’

Way #2 Negotiation: This is the most common form of finding compromise. We negotiate daily in life. A successful end state to a negotiation is not always a 50/50 split. There are often many concessions in a negotiation where either we walk away with less or more. Negotiations are most successful when both parties walk away feeling that at least their minimum needs where met.

Potential Examples: ‘I like green apples and you like red apples. Let’s get three of each’, ‘I know that this is important to you so I’m willing to let you have more of a say in this, but I do want to have a say in some of it’, ‘I need more closet space, are you able to share some more?’

Way #3 Full Refusal: These happen less in life and should only be for something that is critical to you. Anything right of the red line is an area we are not willing to compromise on. One’s morals, values, health, spiritual beliefs, spousal/family commitments, or oaths could be examples of things we are not open to negotiating or conceding on.

Potential Examples: ‘I need to visit my mother who is ill this weekend, and I won’t be able to help’, ‘I don’t feel comfortable doing this because it goes against my values and beliefs’, ‘You are asking me to lie about this, I won’t do that’

A Good Compromise Sets Good Boundaries

Unlike negotiation skills used in the military which are often focused at gaining a positional advantage, negotiation skills in interpersonal effectiveness are often more about either getting what you want or sometimes also being comfortable saying no to unwanted requests. This is most effectively done by setting boundaries, which allow us to minimize chaos and potential fear of abandonment.[3] An individual who can set effective boundaries by embracing sometimes a concession, more than often choosing negotiation, and rarely but firmly refusing when their boundaries are crossed is a person who can find compromise effectively in life. This frees up significant mental maneuver space to find and walk the middle path in life more effectively.

About the Author: Mr. Bongioanni is a licensed mental health counselor who alsoworks for the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. He is also a senior leader in the U.S. Army Reserve. His professional interests include human behavior, applied psychology, and military cultural competence. The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, the U.S. Department of Defense, or the U.S. Government.

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[1] Fox,T., Griffiths, Z., Millen, Z., & Tallant, N. Negotiation Education An Institutional Approach. Military Review, JAN-FEB 2019; 82-90.

^[2] Linehan, M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition. New York: Guilford Press; 109-114.

[3] The Wellness Effect Holistic Education Services, DB-WP-T PowerPoint Slides, Conducted in January 2024, 31, 66.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.