Since You Left

I tried to be happy, celebrating all that heaven means to you, Jesus, and the Father. The truth is, I am so very broken. I know all the cliches, all the trite sayings, and as I told my youngest son one day, I know this is simply something I must walk alone. NO ONE, can understand, or feel, what having your very breath ripped out of your body, after 43 years of becoming one… and words will never, ever, ever do.

If our tears are stored in a vial as the Word says, I know there is now a new ocean there, with your name on it.

Speaking of, I have not been able to visit our favorite place, the ocean, any ocean, since you left. I think I would literally die of a broken heart if I visited our most sacred memories.

The beaches where we dreamed our dreams and shared our faith, no matter how hard life was. We would be so very strong and kept believing that every promise God made would come true, no matter what.

I am so very aware, walking without you, is my cross to bear. Period. Two become one, and I cannot put this weight on anyone.  

Not even Jesus. WHAT? Why mess up his day?

You are exactly where you are supposed to be, and the joy that was set before you is now so very real. My prayers for years, watching you blossom and bloom, into the very reflection of love and kindness itself.

Where you walked, the kingdom was present, and at times? Without you physically here? It seems so very far away.

And yet… isn’t that what faith is all about?

Not seeing yet believing? Knowing what you know, in your spirit and your heart of hearts?

As the tears flooded, all I know, is I go back to a famous refrain… Your will be done, in my life, on earth, as it is in heaven, no matter what.

Let me be your vessel of joy, your hands of healing, your reflection of peace that passes understanding, not because I am strong, but because I am yielded.

I know, without a doubt, I do not live by my feelings, but by every word, that comes from your mouth God.

Use me, Lord.

_________________________

For 43 years, Dennis and Diana Nickell shared their lives, passion, and hearts. Dennis, a Vietnam Combat Veteran who dealt daily with the aftermath of his 14 months in-country, spent his later years reaching out to Veterans, their loved ones and tried to help share why you should never give up. Sept, 12th, 2021 Dennis joined his brothers in arms in heaven, who never had the chance to have the life he fought for daily, and his wife Diana still carries on the mission of educating, enlightening, and encouraging those who have paid such a heavy price for freedom. 

Dedicated to ALL, first responders, and heroes, Diana has found peace in the wealth of her family and her faith. The YouTube series Surviving Vietnam can be accessed freely at https://www.survivevietnam.com/

“Quiet Place” first appeared in Breaking Chains, written by Dennis Nickell.

All rights are reserved, for created content shared about their amazing journey, including original poetry by Diana. Feel free to contact Diana at dnickell1955@gmail.com with any questions or concerns.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.