To My Son

You are not mine to own and control. You are not my possession or trophy. You do not exist to continue my lineage and name or bear my burdens. Who I am is not who you must become. The life I have lived is not your expected journey.

I am here to love and nurture you. My responsibility is to help mold you into the person you choose to be. It is not I who must dictate your life, but it is I who must bestow upon you knowledge to guide you. It is I who must bestow upon you the lessons I have learned in the hope that history does not repeat itself.

I am going to stumble and fall. I am going to fall short more than I ever hoped to. I am going to bring to you the burdens of my past, despite my deepest and sincerest attempts not to. I am going to do things right and I am going to do things wrong. What I want you to know every moment of your life is the very thing I so desperately wanted from my parents. I want you to know what I have lived so much of my life without. I want you to know unconditional love. I want you to know, without a doubt, that I love you every moment of every day.

You are my son. I am responsible for how you exist in society. You are my burden to bear, but I must not be yours. You must feel free to navigate the world. I want you to strive for your own goals. I want you to feel comfortable in failure, to know that I will be by your side with an extended hand. I do not want you to fear trying. I want to be by your side as you become the man you wish to be.

I was always told by my father that he brought me into this world, and he could take me out. There were no victories, just harsh realities that he was older, wiser, and stronger. I existed within the confines of his sad and shallow shadow until I broke free.

Son, I brought you into this world so you could thrive. I want to celebrate your victories and provide context to the world around you. I do not ever want you to live in my shadow. I hope you never question my love, and I hope I never give you a reason to.

_____________________________

Jake Smith is a law enforcement officer and former Army Ranger. He deployed to Afghanistan four times during his Army service. For The Havok Journal, he writes from the perspective of both military service and law enforcement, often on military life, leadership, loss, and transition.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.