A Year’s Worth of Books and an Epic Road Trip

Last year, I took a much needed and deserved trip out west to visit family for the holidays. It was my dog and I flying first class with a doctrinally sound and approved operation plan ready for execution upon arrival: After landing in hostile territory, Sacramento, I was to make link up with my sister, consolidate the big duffel bag down to a tactical go-bag, drive down to Monterey, remain overnight at a hippie farm with a hundred goats, one llama security guard and some pretty “irie” local nationals, drop down to Santa Barbara the next day to Objective: Powell Peralta Skate Shop for the on-going Search for Animal Chin, and then return to base; our parent’s house up north, in time for Christmas festivities; all while exhausting two Apple playlists along a uncleared route.

In retrospect, this trip ended up being a real connective and cathartic trip for us. Having 16 years difference in our ages, we both ended up being “only child’s” growing up. We both share a sweet, adoring Mom but have separate Dads. I lived with my Dad out-of-state until I ventured out on my own after high-school and she grew up living in California with Mom and her Dad. Therefore, we never really shared a consistent timeline with each other to learn about organic, familial relationships or grow up creating the traditional brotherly/sisterly bond before this trip. After all, said and done though, this trip had to have been divinely curated to intentionally transform that entire dynamic and finally bring us so much closer as bro & sis.

So, in three short days, 800+ miles, multiple coffee cups, strategically planned doggy rest stops and two In & Out Double-Double meal bags on the back floorboard, my sister and I caught up on a lot of history, clarified some fuzzy family memories, rumors, and enjoyed the present moment while winter tent-camping on a secluded state park beach under every single star in the galaxy. We gracefully used this time and space to fully and externally express our future plans and dreams aloud to the Universe for sacred manifestation. Oh, if the dashboard or my doggo could speak, the healing, the secrets and the aspirations revealed on that trip would be worth gold to the external family! (Insert enticing music here) Read on to expose one of mine!

In those many conversations about personal development and growth we made a pact to challenge ourselves to read a book every month, with an attainable goal of at least twelve books completed by the end of the year. In doing so, our road trip resulted in a few off the trail stops to quaint little bookstores we hunted down along our route on Google; from Santa Barbara to Solvang to Placerville. My luggage after the visit ended up weighing ten extra pounds on the return flight just in books!

My choices of books to start off the year were varied, from The Jesus Sutras: Rediscovering the Lost Scrolls of Taoist Christianity to an intro to Shinto and an encyclopedic who’s-who history of the spy world; from the Revolutionary War to the Cold War period. Pretty exciting stuff, I thought.

Now just to throw the disclaimer out there: Before we finally agreed to this challenge, I added that I was a big audiobookphile, having a monthly subscription to Audible with a wish list full of titles I wanted to purchase in the upcoming months. Not to cheat, but these had to count towards the goal too. My wish list had autobiographical titles varying from Eruption; Conversations with Eddie Van Halen; Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life by Arnold Schwarzenegger and spiritual topics such as The Holy Bible (narrated by James Earl Jones, you know-Darth Vader!); A Course In Miracles: Combined Volume and The Law of One (The RA Material).

The thing about audiobooks for me, they are therapeutic because once pulling out of the driveway, I can drop into some spoken word which I have discovered lowers my heart rate, anxiety and frustration levels while driving in traffic. Nowadays, I leave the Nine Inch Nails Essentials playlist for yardwork and chores.

Having identified that driving is a catalyst for my own personal growth, and that the behavior of other inconsiderate drivers on the road serve as triggers to constantly test my righteousness and patience, audio books certainly work for me. This is a real thing I have identified and that I am working on in order to transcend. Now, anything that helps keep me calm (legally) amongst the chaos outside the windshield serves as a force multiplier. “Serenity now…”

Something else I have realized through reading and listening to autobiographies, non-fiction, personal growth, and spiritual books is that we are all truly experiencing remarkably similar stories of hardship here on this planet and in our own lives. That though all of our stories are unique they also seem to follow similar trajectories and patterns. What is known as the “Hero’s Journey” reveals similar, significant tones and catalysts we all face in our own lives.

The overly simplified premise is this: We are born, we struggle, we suffer, we survive, we are reborn, we finally share our retrospective story, we die. It plays out almost like it is all divinely designed…as if we all metaphorically visit a fine restaurant (Earth), order a multi-course meal (our life), where servers present a choice of dishes (events) for us to personally experience before the next dish is served on a finite timeline; all while sitting at the table (Reality).

In this analogy, the multi-course meal always starts with the appetizer, something small and enticing to set the tone of the upcoming meal which finally leads to the ultimate, main dish. Happily, the entire meal ends with a delicious dessert, an apéritif beverage, surrounded by other happy diners kicking back and conversating about how lovely the experience and ambiance was. That is how I am starting to see life. I am not sure which dish I am currently on in this extravagant meal, but I can tell you that I have already gotten into some of the heavier, heartier, meatier stuff which makes me look forward to that earned, sweet, sweet dessert with other satisfied diners!

To get to this point of self-realization and working towards cracking the nut of this thing we call life, the past presented dishes have really shaken loose the foundation of my past core beliefs and norms. I have since come to invite and nurture this new perspective which has led to an absolute appreciation and gratitude for everything positive as well as what I thought of as “negative trials” or “tribulations” in my life. I am now, therefore, creating an existence of reality through a personal faith and devotion practice. After everything so far, I have settled into the realization that I, the guest ordering the multiple course meal, am always enjoying the meal, dish by dish, with great enthusiasm and a newfound sense of fulfillment. Now, I can almost anticipate what the next dish will be just from the current set and setting of the metaphorical table. This is what awareness, accountability and appreciation of the Grand Design looks like.

Yet these realizations did not appear overnight, nor would I want it to be that easy. I am not a masochist by any means; I am allergic to pain like most of us! But paradoxically the feelings and emotions of hurt and suffering that come from heart ache, betrayal, rejection, alienation, and abandonment have actually inspired the changes I have wanted all along. You only get to this point of understanding and acceptance by challenging your current state of Self. You get to a point where anger, fear, sadness, pride and suffering no longer serve you. At this point you about-face towards the awareness that you become the observer instead of the victim of these emotions to embrace the value they have brought to you in the past. Books/audiobooks, vulnerable conversations, times of solitude, mediation and introspection truly become the instruments that facilitate this kind of change in awareness I always besought; or metaphorically, it is the whole reason I entered the restaurant, took a seat at the table and picked up the menu in the first place.

Truth be told, I have never been a “reader” because I always looked at reading totally wrong. I was taught, like most of us, that a book had to be read from cover to cover to pull anything out of it. That may be the case with fiction books, which tell a story from beginning to end. But this general, false notion certainly caused apprehension; to start something I wasn’t totally sure would hold my attention and ultimately finish. If I was to lose interest, then I would feel like a failure for not finishing what I started. So, the best thing I thought was to just not start a book, right? Wrong.

A perfect example is this past year through the challenge, I picked up a book to not find much interest or resonance in it at the time only to come back to it six months later after finishing a different book that illuminated the value and purpose of the book I originally started with. It may have been “out of sequence” but certainly not “out of purpose.” Life is all a journey and learning really is non-linear.

I just want to add that this past year’s personal challenge and goal of reading more has led me to find writing, here, on the Journal. Recent content consumption has since spawned a voice and vulnerability inside me to share a unique perspective among friends. The process of writing brings me back to the joy I had in college; researching and writing papers on academic subjects for both my instructor and peers to review and give feedback.

Writing, and I suppose age and experience, has also given me a deeper appreciation now for every author of every book I’ve read. I may not be the best public speaker yet but honing my own author skills for this audience has been rewarding and fulfilling. It’s all about creating, which is another theme I have noticed while reading autobiographies.

The larger-than-life personalities that have inspired and published their life stories of their own Hero’s Journey are all amazing creators. From Michael Jordan to Shaun White to Tony Hawk and Dave Ghrol. These stars have all been born to find a passion that allows them to create and share with the world.

Before I invite you to the inspiring list of books I tackled this year and recommend, I just want to highlight something that seems to echo through all the diverse topics I chose this year to read about. One of today’s buzz words seems to be “Purpose” or creating your “purpose-driven life” and I think a lot of people get it wrong when they try to define “purpose.” Yes, from the outside looking in, the above-mentioned personalities may have had a career that seemed to define their life’s purpose. But I think it is a dire mistake to get caught up in another soul’s journey and assume a chapter(s) in their life defines their overall purpose.

Remember, everyone around you sits at the same metaphorical table and has ordered off the same metaphorical menu as you. The only differences are their “dishes” are prepared and presented exclusively for them; just as yours are. Comparing often leads to empty desire. And something I learned this year; desire leads to suffering. Your job or career does not have to define your life’s purpose. Your career may just be the ends, ways and means for you to enjoy your actual purpose outside the 9:00-5:00 grind.

So, it is important to note that one of the leading causes of depression today among young Westerners is internalizing the falsity that unless somehow a person’s job fulfils their life purpose, then they do not have, or are not living their life’s purpose at all. That’s not fair. That is like, somehow saying, they are just drifting aimlessly through the cosmos without a purpose. We are all here on purpose, for a purpose.

However, I for one, after reflecting upon a lot of dishes served during this multiple-course meal of life, can tell you that my career identity and work life does not define my “purpose” anymore. I love my job, but it’s not my life’s purpose. What brought me to this new sense of clarity and serenity was creating a liberating belief, purposely by design, that what I am doing right now, in any given moment, is my purpose.

A year’s worth of books and an epic road trip eventually manifested that for me.

Katie, dear sister, thank you for challenging me how to finally appreciate reading. I love you!

Accomplished Books and Audios This Year:

• The Wisdom of Flowers: Essential Life Lessons for Joy and Well Being by Liz Marvin
• Chakras: A Beginners Guide to Healing by Heidi E. Spear
• The Journey: Big Panda and Tiny Dragon by James Norbury
• GOD: A Human History by Reza Aslan
• The Jesus Sutras: Rediscovering the Lost Scrolls of Taoist Christianity by Martin Palmer
• Shinto: The Kami Way by Sokyo Ono
• The Book Of Masters by Jonathan Cahn
• The Bhagavad Gita by Edward Viljoen
• Audio: Be Useful: Seven Tools For Life by Arnold Schwarzenegger
• Audio: Be Water My Friend: The Teachings of Bruce Lee by Shannon Lee
• Audio: Eruption: Conversations with Eddie Van Halen by Brad Tolinski & Chriss Gill
• Audio: Living the Law of One: 101-The Choice by Carla Rueckert
• Audio: The Secret History of the World by Mark Booth
• Audio: Three Waves of Volunteers and the New Earth by Dolores Cannon
• Audio: The Search for Hidden Sacred Knowledge by Dolores Cannon
• Audio: Your Souls Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born by Robert Schwartz
• Audio: Your Soul’s Love: Living the Love You Planned Before You Were Born by Robert Schwartz
• Audio: Christ-Centered Dating: Pursuing A Relationship That Glorifies God by Mark Ballenger
• Audio: Single On Purpose: Find Yourself First by John Kim
• Audio: Radical Forgiveness: A Revolutionary Five-Stage Process to Heal Relationships, Let Go of Anger and Blame, Find Peace in Any Situation by Collin Tipping
• Audio: The Ra Contact: Teaching The Law Of One–Volume One by Don Elkins, Carla L. Rueckert and James Allen McCarty
• Audio: The Other End of the Leash: Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs by Patricia B. McConnel
• Audio: The Complete Audio Holy Bible: King James Version narrated by James Earl Jones & Jon Sherberg

In Process:

• The Intellectual Devotional: Revive Your Mind, Complete Your Education & Roam Confidently with the Cultured Class by David S. Kidder & Noah D. Oppenheim
• Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to be Spiritually Mature While Remaining Emotionally Immature by Peter Scazzero
• The Awakened Brain: The New Science Of Spirituality And Our Quest For An Inspired Life by Lisa Miller, PhD
• Audio: The Three Pillars of Zen: Teaching, Practice and Enlightenment by Roshi Phillip Kapleau
• Audio: A Course In Miracles: Original Edition by Helen Schucman and William T. Thetford

In The Queue:

• Walking with God through Pain and Suffering by Timothy Kellar
• 50 Simple Ways To Pamper Your Dog by Arden Moore
• The Way of Zen by Alan Watts
• The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz
• Audio: Elon Musk by Walter Isaacson
• Audio: Musashi by Eiji Yoshikawa
• Audio: The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin
• Audio: The Republic by Plato
• Audio: The Allegory of the Cave by Plato
• Audio: The Friedrich Nietzsche Collection

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This first appeared in The Havok Journal on December 29, 2023.

Robb is a retired active Army veteran of 21 years, primarily serving as a Cavalry Scout. Having accomplished multiple combat tours, diverse global assignments and leadership roles, Robb retired as a First Sergeant of Shadow Troop, 1-33 CAV (Rakassans). From there, Robb went on to attempt his luck in the civilian sector as a Reliability Engineer at an international paper processing company during the pandemic. Not quite satisfied and feeling the draw to serve once again, Robb made his way back behind the gate working with some of the nation’s tip of spear warfighters on Fort Liberty, NC.

It was during this time that he was drawn into an esoteric spiritual journey of self-discovery and began peeling back the onion of how vanquishing spiritual warfare can serve as a personal force multiplier. Dropping all ties to dogmatic religious principles, Robb solely embarked into studies of the mystical and metaphysical for the answers of life. Now forged with this newfound purpose, Robb blends his current path of spiritual ascension along with his past experience of the rigors of military service in order to uplift the future of his brothers and sisters in arms.

“The answers we all seek lie in potential.”

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.