What I’ve Done Is Enough

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The world is filled with the remnants of our past—insecurities fostered through turbulent childhoods, arrogance born from lives of privilege. We stand now as the culmination of all we have been. The human mind innately seeks to determine the value of our existence: Who are we, and why are we here? The nagging existential question shapes our every action and reaction. The notion of our demise looms as an ever-present motivator.

So many look to what they will become, what they could do—these notions often reduced to little more than self-serving rhetoric. Their every action seems aimed at proving they could be or do something, without ever truly being or doing. They profess the ability to make the shot without ever taking it. They claim the prestige without accepting the risk.

I have been and done a lot of things—both good and bad. I’ve been many people and long ago accepted the inevitability of my flaws and eventual demise. Whenever that day arrives, I’ve been prepared since adolescence. I’ve taken a lot of shots. I’ve taken a lot of risks. I seek no prestige, nor do I deserve it.

When that day comes, I will have nothing to prove. I have been who I’ve been and done what I’ve done. Whatever it is I still hope to do, and whoever I still hope to become, may never come to fruition. I must accept that, and make every falling grain of time worthwhile—because every action and every word could be my last.

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Jake Smith is a law enforcement officer and former Army Ranger with four deployments to Afghanistan.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.