Optics

It’s always fascinated me how two people can experience the same scenario and have wildly different opinions on what occurred. Our perspectives are skewed by the lenses through which we see the world. Some are rose-colored, and others only see monochrome. Context is altered by the optics you apply to each situation. Whether implicit or complicit, we choose how we view the world.

My wife sees the best in people and is generally optimistic about the future. She is a good person and radiates light everywhere she goes. I, on the other hand, have internalized every abusive word and traumatic event and filtered things accordingly. Every past hurt has calloused my approach as a form of self-preservation. In many cases, I interpret intent—sometimes wrongly—and strike first. I’ve become conditioned to come out swinging and fight out of a corner. At least that’s how I often perceive things. I refuse to be made to feel small ever again. As far as the future is concerned, I didn’t think I’d make it out of my twenties, and here I am at twice that age, trying to figure life out and hopefully become a better person as I go.

There is merit to both approaches to life. One way leads to being vulnerable and allowing for the possibility that people aren’t inherently good and could hurt you. The other sees so much darkness that even the light is often mistaken for another shade of gray. Balance involves living with an awareness of both good and bad while giving hope a chance.

I have to make a concerted effort to short-circuit that negative voice screaming that people only want to use me or that they don’t really like me. I know I have worth and many things to offer. Yet, the voice of self-deprecation ensures that my head doesn’t get too big. It all boils down to the optics with which we view the world.

Even though I often skew a bit misanthropic or pessimistic due to my lived experiences, I can choose to see things differently. It’s not easy. It takes focus to dismantle all the negative noise inside my mind, but it is possible. As with any discipline, the more you exercise it, the easier it becomes. New neural pathways can be formed, and eventually, you reroute your mental processes around those old, hard-worn trails.

The simple truth is that people probably aren’t out to get me. Most people don’t think about me unless a frog or snake happens across their news feed. We’re all in our own worlds and likely aren’t putting much thought into what’s going on in other people’s lives most of the time.

If you judge a scenario wrong and someone is gunning for your demise—burn their house down. That’ll shut them up for sure.

I’m only joking.

But also, that’s kind of where my mind goes sometimes. I’m working on that.

If the optics are bad, change your lens and focus on the good. Hopefully, you’ll be rewarded with a better outlook and more peace of mind.

John Spence is attributed with the quote I’ll leave you with: “When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself.”

I’m trying to be more like my wife and be good. Here’s hoping.

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Stan is a writer, photographer, and filmmaker from Bethania, North Carolina. His work has been published in The Havok Journal, Reptiles Magazine, Understory, Dirtbag Magazine, Lethal Minds Journal, Backcountry Journal, Wildlife in North Carolina, SOFLETE, The Tarheel Guardsman, Wildsound Writing Festival, and others. His poetry collection A Toad in a Glass Jar is scheduled for publication by Dead Reckoning Collective, date TBD. He has written three children’s books and one Christian Devotional book. He filmed and directed a documentary about his deployment in Iraq with the NC Army National Guard called “Hammer Down.” He spends most of his free time wrangling toads. You can see his collected works and social media accounts listed at www.stanlakecreates.com.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.