It’s funny, what you think about at 0300 on Staff Duty.
After sixteen and a half years in the Army. my sleep pattern is permanently boned. I can fall asleep in a metal folding chair and or in any military vehicle but when I hit my bed, I’m wide awake.
Sometimes I stare at my privates (my Army privates, PVT through PFC, not my junk) and wonder, “Are they really that freaking stupid or is it all just a clever ruse to avoid responsibility? Like when that League of Shadows chick bumped uglies with Batman to earn his trust.”
When I become a SFC, will I have missed the opportunity to die a hero? Have I lived long enough to see myself become the villain? And if so, will I be more of a Joker or a Riddler? Maybe I’ll start taking roids and just be Bane. I can wear my pro mask everywhere and talk like a muffled 1980’s movie villain. The European terrorist type. Like Hans from Die Hard.
That’s what Bane sounded like to me. Hans from Die Hard-wearing a pro mask. Maybe I’ll end up like Darth Vader. Become a total bastard and until I’m forced to choose between saving that high-speed Specialist who will restore balance back to the NCO Corps or stay loyal to the shitbag who writes my NCOER.
Yeah, I’m getting hit with shitbag lieutenants most likely. FML. When I say, “Well sir, this is what I would do…” to a 2LT then flash him that smile where no other part of my face moves but the smile, does he get the same feeling as someone playing Russian roulette? If so, is it because he thinks that I don’t like him or is it because he thinks that I like to screw with him?
How long do I usually stare stupidly at the LTs while they are talking to me? Do they notice the stupid look on my face? What do they think it means? Do I look at PVTs the same way? Who do I hate more? The LT that thinks he knows what he’s talking about when he clearly does not, or the NCO responsible for showing LT that he does not in fact know what he is talking about.
Is this really a “New Army” and are “millennials” to blame? Or is it weak ass senior leaders who have softened the NCO Corps by taking the most effective training tools away from leaders? Maybe it’s leaders who do not possess the ballsack or tit rack to make these Soldiers want to follow them. To them, “inspire” is just a word that rhymes with tire or plier or even better, liar. It’s what most of them are when they recite the Creed of the Noncommissioned Officer.
Why do I miss the 80s and 90s movie montage music? Why did the montage go away? Did the montage go away or did it evolve into something else? I haven’t seen anything that is very montage-esk. Are montages gone? Will they come back? I don’t hate LTs. Well, not right now at least.
Shit, it’s 0400. Gotta go check the footprint. If you actually read all of this and your left eye isn’t looking directly at your right eye wondering, “WTF did I just read and why did I read it?” We can be friends. I didn’t proofread this and I’m not sure if it makes sense. I’ve been awake for about 22 hours without the use of coffee or energy drinks.
Ok, I’m done now.
This first appeared in The Havok Journal on December 13, 2018.