A Shell of My Former Self

by Eric Bruland

What seems like yesterday was my former self. Every day was an adventure a pursuit to push my previous limits. My mind was primed my body was ready. The team was where I felt my best, and my best was with the team.

Every hard day made me stronger for the next, but at what cost?

Was it the mental strain or the concussions that weakened my capacity for cognitive processing, or the blast that seemed to dissolve every bit of positivity within the realm of my mind?

My body was broken I could not see light at the end of the tunnel of recovery. Physically I recovered but the light was never seen. Only through personal trials does the darkness fade but light never returns.

I’ve been knocked out twice recently and the light flickered it felt good, do I push harder? Will I knock the light back into commission? Or will I remove myself from reality completely?

I take pride in my former accomplishments but they are all a constant reminder of my former self.

Take me back so I may live again.

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This first appeared in The Havok Journal on July 12, 2021.