Maneuver Space: Power and Control

Volume 2, Issue 12

If you served in the military no matter what branch of service you were in, you learned at some point the importance of having space to maneuver. Whether you were maneuvering pairs of boots, a tank, a ship, or a fighter jet, having adequate physical space was essential to executing maneuver smoothly and safely. Likewise, when we encounter challenges in life, our minds need maneuver space to mentally negotiate difficult moments. This series will highlight each month a different brief cognitive tool that you can use in your daily life to potentially create more maneuver space. Remember having maneuver space, or space to think, is a gift in life. Once you create it, use it to your advantage!

Ways to Give and Take Power & Control

Servicemembers and Veterans like to feel in control. When we are in control, we feel empowered. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), a cognitive behavioral style therapy often used with servicemembers and Veterans, illustrates how our beliefs about power and control can be impacted by trauma. Sometimes with power we must give it to others or take it from them. If we do this in a positive way, we can still feel in control. If we do it in a negative way, it can place ourselves second or even worse, be manipulative. Perhaps we need to recall that in order to have mental maneuver space, “I don’t have to have total control over everything to have control over most of my decisions.” The below graphic helps illustrate further the positive and negative ways that we can give or take power.

Giving Power Positively: Be an Anonymous Altruist

It has been said that the purest version of selflessness is when we do something anonymously. This is the spirit of altruism, where we do things for others without expecting anything in return.
When we live genuine versions of ourselves that are based in a daily practice of gratitude, we are perhaps best equipped to also embrace daily acts of service where we share ourselves not only with others in need, but also because we want to be helpful and thoughtful. When we give power positively, we accept the influence of others because we want to, not because we have to.

Taking Power Positively: Live Life Assertively Everyday

Assertiveness gets a bad rap sometimes with servicemembers and Veterans. We equate, perhaps incorrectly, an assertive individual as a strong ‘Type A’ personality who is an extrovert, highly motivated, and mission driven. While an assertive person can exhibit some of these qualifies, they first and foremost always combine firmness with respectfulness. Assertiveness, in a psychological sense, is not a pushy or abrasive person. It is a person who only spends emotional energy on things that really matter. Importantly, a truly assertive person is always aware that their tone of voice and non-verbal’s can also help create an atmosphere of respect for others.

A Drill Sergeant yelling at a recruit in their face for 15 minutes is not the best display of assertiveness. When a person is truly assertive, they preserve their own feelings while considering the needs of others and can set boundaries just as easily as they can help grow a relationship. Assertiveness is a true mark of maturity and stability and the more we can embrace it allows us to take power in a positive way when needed.

Giving Power Negatively: What Happens When We Always Place Ourselves Second

Servicemembers and Veterans struggle sometimes to embrace placing themselves first. The parallel I often like to draw is putting on your gas mask. ‘Put your mask on first, then help your buddy”, is a concept that many remember from their time in the military. Practicing this does not mean you are being selfish. If you can’t save yourself, you are not going to be able to help others. When we give power negatively, we allow others to push our buttons and struggle to balance and regulate our emotions. We may often feel anger, anxiety, fear, or other negative worrisome thoughts because we are in a constant state of dysregulation.

Unfortunately, giving power negatively is a trap that we sometimes fall in when others are attempting to take power negatively from us. A manipulative person often will target people who give them power negatively. Just as we need to put on our mask first, we need to always prioritize ourselves first in life, not in a selfish way but in a genuine and wholesome selfless way. The more we make sure we are in a good place, the more able we will also be to accept giving power or taking power in a positive way.

Taking Power Negatively: Strive Never to Be Here in Life

This is a space where egocentric and manipulative individuals operate. Individuals here may also often act impulsively without concern for consequences. Unfortunately, both modern society and human history are full of examples where individuals have used their position of authority to take power negatively. Emotional abuse, isolation, intimidation, minimizing/denying/blaming, coercion, threats, economic abuse, or using helpless individuals as pawns are all further behavioral examples of how humans can negatively take power.

In extreme cases, power can be taken negatively by exerting physical, psychological, or sexual violence on others. Psychopaths, sociopaths, or people with narcissistic or antisocial personality disorders we often also place in this space. How do we strive to never live in this space? Self-awareness, empathy, and humility are likely important emotional starting points. Embracing the more positive ways of giving or taking power & control noted here can further help build our toolkit.

Embracing Power & Control Positively

There are likely a variety of both nature and nurture driven factors that cause humans to want to give and take power negatively. Sometimes individuals are fully conscious of their actions, while at other times they may lack basic awareness. CPT acknowledges the positive and negative behaviors humans sometimes embrace but also reminds us again by noting, “Realistically, no one has complete control over all events that occur to them, or the behavior of other people. One the other hand, people are not completely helpless. They can influence the course of events, and they can control their own reaction to those events.” Having more mental maneuver space gives us the ability to influence and control our reactions so that we can better embrace only the positive ways to give and take power in life.

References

Resick, P. A., Monson, C. M., & Chard, K. M. (2014). Cognitive processing therapy: Veteran/military version: Therapist’s manual. Washington, DC: Department of Veterans Affairs, 151-158.
Resick, et al. (2014)
Carter, L. & Minirth, F. (2012). The Anger Workbook, Thomas Nelson, 36-39.
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, www.duluth-model.org

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About the Author: Mr. Bongioanni is a licensed mental health counselor who also works for the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. He is also a senior leader in the U.S. Army Reserve. His professional interests include human behavior, applied psychology, and military cultural competence. The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, the U.S. Department of Defense, or the U.S. Government.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.