The Truth That Sets Us Free is the One We Fear the Most

There is something vital about Truth. Truth doesn’t care if it’s good, bad, or indifferent. It doesn’t care if it’s a terrible truth—the kind that burns and stays in your soul. Sometimes, we try to erase that particular kind of truth. We try to block it out using whatever works. So we drink it away, party it away, sleep it away, sex it away, work it away. Understandably. Because I don’t know anyone who wants that kind of truth in their life.

Still, the irony is that when we try to wipe away what is real, we trap ourselves in a limbo between real and unreal. And then we lose touch not just with the rest of the world, but ultimately with ourselves.

However, the truth is that it’s profoundly empowering when we say what is real—especially with terrible truths.

To reach this place means admitting to ourselves that the reality was fucking horrific. So we need to work with wise, safe people who will respect that whole process. People who don’t try to fix us or save us. And people who won’t run away from us. Because those types of people won’t have a clue about the cost we encounter in telling our truth. They won’t understand how difficult it is to go back into that dark place. Stay far away from anyone who isn’t willing to stand with you through that.

I envision this as a kind of courageous quest. We must go into the dark forest and battle our demons—with help along the way. There are many to help along the path, when we learn to recognize and take the risk to trust those people. In battling demons, we’re going on the proverbial Hero’s Journey—think of mythologist Joseph Campbell, who recognized this experience in ancient stories like Odysseus.

Of course, to survive, we need food, armor, and weapons. You don’t battle demons or dragons without those vital items. We will need experienced guides in the darkest of these places when we enter. Alone, it’s much harder to see in the dark. And it’s so important to recognize we can’t just go headlong into healing or battling these demons. That can often be the worst approach to take—because we aren’t prepared. So we prepare to go into battle first with the necessary items to survive the journey. No one goes into battle unarmed and unprepared. That’s called suicide.

If we’re able to prepare and recognize the fragile and surprisingly nuanced nature of working with our trauma, we will become aware of—and understand—how we are the strong, brave warriors we have always been. At the time things were happening, we were too frightened or frozen to realize this about ourselves. And often, we don’t connect with that reality. Instead, we shame or judge ourselves for not doing enough, or for doing it wrong.

In the deepest part of myself, I believe we are the strongest at the height of our terror. Why? Because we survived. That’s your proof, no matter the circumstances around your survival.

And the irony is that we can only be freed from the trap and the darkness when we’re able to face our Truth. Talk about the Holy Grail. For real—it was US the whole time.

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Shelly Harlow is the mother of two US Army veterans. She has worked for the last 20 years in the mental health field with those who have seen and endured more than most humans should ever have to and believes firmly that we are our own most powerful healers. Her own background and history are the foundation for her work with others and for her writing. Her hard-headedness has taken her further than any degree ever has. She remains a cynical optimist whose interest in humans has never faltered, knowing how flawed and amazing we all are.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.