You Don’t Have to Go Through HELL to Become Resilient: Building Resilience in Everyday Life

Resilience is often misconceived as a quality forged only through extreme hardship or extraordinary challenges. However, resilience is a skill that can be developed daily through the simple yet profound act of self-examination. You don’t need to endure a grueling David Goggins-like challenge or be an Army Ranger or Navy SEAL to cultivate resilience. It’s accessible to everyone in our unique, everyday contexts.

The Myth of Extreme Tests for Resilience

The notion that resilience is exclusive to those who have undergone intense physical or mental challenges is a myth. Yes, these experiences can build resilience, but they aren’t the only way. We can foster resilience in quieter, more introspective ways, which are equally impactful.

We need to ensure that we identify areas where we can build resilience.  Self-examination involves reflecting on our daily experiences, recognizing our successes, and understanding our failures. For instance, consider a day when you faced a difficult work situation. Reflect on how you handled it, what you learned, and how you can apply that learning in the future. This process of reflection and application is the cornerstone of building resilience.

Ranger School vs. The School of Life

Ranger school is tough, no doubt. It pushes you to your limits, but there are times it seems like a walk in the park compared to the resilience needed in the more mundane aspects of life. Doing challenging things isn’t a ‘sometimes’ or ‘some days’ thing.  Every day, we have the opportunity to face challenges, either by challenging ourselves or by facing the challenges that arise so often. Sometimes, it’s about running or walking that extra half mile; some days, it’s about dealing with a child’s car accident (where they were fine but totaled the car); and sometimes, it’s just about keeping your patience in traffic.  There are opportunities to build resilience everywhere.

Resilience isn’t just about enduring the toughest of challenges; it’s about finding strength in facing the daily tasks that intimidate us. Whether it’s perfecting an essay, navigating job transitions, or the chaos of raising children, these everyday experiences are where true resilience is forged.

Special Operations Resilience vs. Everyday Resilience: Different, Yet Equally Valuable

When we think of resilience in Special Operations, images of enduring grueling physical tasks, making split-second decisions in high-stakes situations, and overcoming seemingly insurmountable challenges come to mind. This kind of resilience is awe-inspiring, honed through rigorous training and critical missions. On the other hand, everyday resilience might not have the same dramatic flair, but it is equally significant. It’s about facing life’s daily hurdles – the stress of a job, the trials of parenting, or the anxiety of stepping out of our comfort zones.

The resilience developed in Special Operations and the resilience we cultivate in our daily lives are different facets of the same diamond. Neither is superior to the other; they’re simply tailored to meet different needs. A Special Operator might excel in high-pressure combat scenarios but might find the complexities of everyday emotional resilience challenging. Conversely, a single parent managing a household and a career might be an expert in everyday resilience while finding the physical demands of Special Operations daunting.

In essence, resilience is about adapting to our specific environment and challenges. It’s bespoke, molded by our individual experiences and needs. Whether navigating a covert operation behind enemy lines or juggling the demands of work and family life, the core of resilience remains the same – it’s our ability to endure, adapt, and grow, no matter the context. This universal nature of resilience reminds us that every person’s struggles are valid, and the strength we each develop to overcome them is equally commendable.

Tips for Building Resilience

Reflect Daily: Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on your experiences. What challenges did you face? How did you respond?

Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. These victories build confidence and resilience.

Learn from Failures: Instead of dwelling on failures, use them as learning opportunities. What can they teach you?

Set Incremental Challenges: Regularly set small, achievable challenges for yourself. Overcoming these will build your resilience over time.

Seek Feedback: Don’t hesitate to ask for feedback from peers or mentors. It provides new perspectives and aids growth.

Prioritize Self-Care: Resilience is also about maintaining your mental and physical health. Ensure you’re taking care of yourself.

Start building your resilience today. Reflect on your daily life, embrace the lessons from both successes and setbacks and remember that resilience is a journey, not a destination. Share your stories of resilience, and let’s inspire each other to grow stronger together.

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This first appeared in The Havok Journal on December 28, 2023.

J.C. served in the U.S. Army as an infantry officer for 20 years, primarily in special operations and special missions units with more than 11 combat tours. Since retiring from the military, JC has brought his innovative and unconventional thoughts on education, leadership and resiliency into the private sector, consulting with Fortune 500 companies, the NFL, NBA, NCAA and professional sports teams including the Denver Broncos, Carolina Panthers and the Charlotte Hornets.

He holds a Masters Degree from the Naval War College and was a Senior Fellow in the Service Chief’s Fellowship at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

He has earned 3 Bronze Stars, 3 Meritorious Service Medals, a Joint Commendation Medal, and  the Order of Saint Maurice. He is a Liberty Fellow, a part of The Aspen Institute and the Aspen Global Leadership Network.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.