The Illusion of Control: Embracing the Reality of Our Limited Power

The world often feels chaotic and unpredictable. In our natural instinct, we grasp for control. But how? Using some teaching by two amazing thinkers, Coach Ron Rivera and Coach Tony Blauer, we could control something, regardless of how little it may be.  In this article we will examine the concept of managing our Attitude, Preparation, and Effort (APE) – a concept championed by Rivera; the concept of harnessing our “lizard” brain and making a reaction a response examined by Blauer; and finally, identify ways to evolve both these concepts to control what we can, and accept what we cannot. But let’s delve deeper, beyond the surface of this advice, into the nuances of control and perception.

The Inner APE Explained

Attitude…

Our attitude, the first element of APE, is commonly seen as our chosen response to life’s events. However, it’s crucial to recognize the journey from an instinctive reaction to a thoughtful response. Picture this: an event occurs, we react impulsively, and only after a pause do we process and respond deliberately. This gap between stimulus and response, explored in Tony Blauer’s SPEAR (Spontaneous Protection Enabling Accelerated Response) system, highlights that our initial attitude often isn’t entirely within our control. It requires conscious effort to transform knee-jerk reactions into measured responses. It’s about acknowledging our primal instincts and then choosing to steer them through reflective thought.

Tony Blauer’s SPEAR system provides a profound insight into the human response mechanism. SPEAR underscores the notion that our natural, spontaneous reactions to sudden threats or surprises can be harnessed and transitioned into strategic responses. Blauer’s work delves into the neuroscience behind our fight or flight reflexes—how these instinctual reactions are not flaws to be eradicated but are, in fact, integral components of human survival.

His system is not merely a set of self-defense techniques but a methodology to reframe our instinctive reactions into conscious actions. It’s an invitation to embrace our initial responses, analyze them, and then redirect them with intention and strategy. This process of evolving from a primal to a deliberate state is both an art and a science, requiring physical training and mental conditioning.

In the context of attitude development, the SPEAR system reminds us that while we cannot always control our immediate reactions, we can develop the capacity to manage our subsequent actions. This is a powerful realization that can be applied beyond physical confrontations to the daily encounters and challenges we face. By understanding and applying the principles of SPEAR, we can learn to move from impulsive to reflective responses, leading to more effective and considered attitudes in both personal and professional realms.

Preparation…

Preparation, too, is laced with uncertainty. We can plan and train with utmost diligence, but the adequacy of our preparation is only truly revealed in the crucible of experience. History judges our readiness, often leaving us wondering if we could have done more. This retrospective evaluation underscores the unpredictability of life and the limits of our foresight.

The elusive nature of preparation is that it exists perpetually in the shadow of the unknown. We can dedicate countless hours to training, strategizing, and planning, meticulously crafting what we believe to be comprehensive roadmaps for success. However, the true test of our preparation lies not within the controlled boundaries of practice but in the unpredictable arenas where real-world challenges thrive. The battlefield, the boardroom, or even the playing field—all these are stages where preparation meets reality, and often, the lessons learned are not in the plans we made, but in the moments we diverged from them.

This uncertainty does not indicate failure in our preparation methods; rather, it is an inherent aspect of operating in a world where variables are numerous and fluid. Our strategies, while sound in their creation, are based on predictions and expectations, yet the future rarely unfolds as anticipated. As such, the agility to adapt our preparation to the evolving circumstances becomes as crucial as the original plan itself.

In my military career, the impermanence of preparation was clear. Despite rigorous training, the chaos of combat required an ability to pivot, to think on our feet, and to apply our preparation in ways we had not foreseen. The same holds true in professional sports, where the game’s outcome can hinge on a single, unscripted play that no amount of preparation could have specifically addressed.

Thus, our readiness is not just a collection of learned skills and rehearsed scenarios but also our capacity to innovate and improvise when faced with novel situations. It’s about having a foundational base upon which to draw but also the cognitive flexibility to build something new and effective in the moment. History may look back and measure our preparation against the outcomes we achieved, but it is the unseen victories—the disasters averted, the crises mitigated—that truly define the sufficiency of our efforts.

Acknowledging the uncertainty in preparation allows us to approach our endeavors with humility and openness to learning. It invites us to view preparation not as a means to a definitive end but as an ongoing cycle of continuous development where each experience enriches our understanding and hones our ability to navigate the future’s complexity.

Effort…

Effort, a concept often lauded as the pinnacle of personal endeavor, is shrouded in layers of psychological complexity. Our understanding of the effort is more than a measure of physical exertion; it is intricately tied to our mental stamina and resilience. The human mind is an enigmatic force capable of imposing and transcending limits. Consider the seminal research study with rats, which offered a stark illumination of this concept.

In this study, researchers placed rats in a tank of water to swim until exhaustion, a grim test to measure how long effort can be sustained in the face of inevitable failure. On average, these rats managed to swim for about 15 minutes before succumbing to fatigue. However, something remarkable occurred when another set of rats was rescued at the brink of exhaustion, dried off, and allowed to rest briefly before being reintroduced to the water. Now, knowing of possible rescue, these rats swam for hours on end. The mere experience of being saved dramatically altered their perception of effort and endurance.

This powerful study reveals a profound truth about our own nature. It’s not merely the physical body that dictates the limits of our effort but also our mental state—our belief in the possibility of salvation, the expectation of an endpoint, and the conditioning of our past experiences. It suggests that our perceived exertion is as much a product of our psychological state as it is of our physiological capacity.

What does this tell us about our efforts in day-to-day challenges? It implies that we often have more to give and that the boundaries of our endurance are not set in stone. Our previous experiences, beliefs about our capabilities, and the situational context all play critical roles in determining the extent of our effort. Understanding this can be incredibly empowering. It means that with the right mental conditioning, we can push past perceived limitations and tap into the latent reserves of strength within us all.

Thus, when we think we’ve reached our maximum, it’s worth taking a moment to question whether it’s a true limit or a self-imposed boundary. By altering our mindset, by recognizing the power of hope and expectation, we are capable of far more than we initially believed. This realization is not just academic; it’s a call to action—to approach our efforts with a renewed perspective, understanding that often, the most significant barriers we face are the ones we place on ourselves.

Evolving from APE to ADPT

So, what does this mean for us in our daily lives? It’s a call to embrace the reality that complete control is an illusion. The world and its myriad events are beyond our dominion. However, this realization shouldn’t lead us to despair or inaction. Instead, it’s an invitation to focus on what we truly can control – our deliberate actions in the present moment.

The concept of the inner APE – Attitude, Preparation, and Effort – serves as an excellent foundational framework for personal and professional development. It encapsulates key elements under our immediate influence and can be harnessed to drive success and growth. However, the ultimate goal transcends these initial steps, aiming to reach a state called DAPT – Deliberate Action at a Place and Time. This evolution from APE to DAPT is where the true depth of personal mastery and effectiveness lies.

Deliberate Action is about making intentional and well-considered choices, rather than reactive or habitual. It involves being fully present in the moment and making decisions that are aligned not just with our immediate goals but also with our long-term values and aspirations. This shift from automatic responses to considered actions necessitates a high level of self-awareness and self-regulation.

The ‘Place and Time’ aspect of DAPT emphasizes the importance of context in our actions. It’s about recognizing that the effectiveness of our decisions is often contingent on when and where they are made. Understanding the nuances of each situation allows us to tailor our actions appropriately, enhancing their impact and relevance.

To transition from inner APE to DAPT, one must cultivate a mindset that values reflection, strategic thinking, and adaptability. It involves regularly taking a step back to assess our actions and their alignment with our broader life trajectory. This introspective process allows us to refine our approach continuously, ensuring that our actions are well-intentioned, well-executed, and appropriate for the situation.

Moreover, DAPT requires us to be agile and flexible. The ability to adapt our actions to the changing dynamics of our environment is crucial. This agility enables us to navigate the complexities of life and work effectively, making decisions that are responsive to the evolving landscape around us.

In essence, while the inner APE sets the stage for personal development and effectiveness, DAPT represents the maturity of that development. It’s the point where skills, knowledge, and intentions converge with mindfulness and strategic execution. By aspiring towards DAPT, we move beyond just having the right attitude, preparation, and effort – we start applying these qualities in a mindful, context-aware way, and ultimately more impactful.

Practical Steps to Embrace Controlled Action:

1. Mindfulness Practice: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. It helps in creating a space between stimulus and response, allowing for more deliberate actions.  There is no ‘time limit’ to this mindfulness – just a brief pause to think is all that is needed to be deliberate.

• Reflective Journaling: After significant events or decisions, take time to journal. Reflect on your reactions, the thought process behind your responses, and the lessons learned.  This does not require you to write it down – just make sure that you learn from each action, even if that is going over it in your mind.

• Continuous Learning: Acknowledge that preparation is an ongoing process. Stay open to learning and adapting, understanding that readiness evolves with experience.

• Understanding Your Limits: This sounds negative – like ‘know what you can’t do’, but it is really a positive.  Know what you can do so that you can regularly push your boundaries in safe environments to understand better your true limits, whether in physical activities, mental tasks, or emotional resilience.

• Seek Feedback: Regularly solicit feedback from peers, mentors, or coaches. External perspectives can provide insights into your efforts and preparation that you might not see yourself.  But don’t ask people you know are not on your side – they won’t give you actionable advice.

Control Your World

In sum, while we may not control the world around us, we can control our actions within it. By focusing on deliberate, present-moment actions, we learn to navigate life not with a sense of commanding it but with the wisdom to adapt and the resilience to persevere. This is the true essence of control – not in mastering the external, but in mastering ourselves. Thanks to coaches Rivera and Blauer for helping us master ourselves.

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J.C. served in the U.S. Army as an infantry officer for 20 years, primarily in special operations and special missions units with more than 11 combat tours. Since retiring from the military, JC has brought his innovative and unconventional thoughts on education, leadership and resiliency into the private sector, consulting with Fortune 500 companies, the NFL, NBA, NCAA and professional sports teams including the Denver Broncos, Carolina Panthers and the Charlotte Hornets.

He holds a Masters Degree from the Naval War College and was a Senior Fellow in the Service Chief’s Fellowship at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

He has earned 3 Bronze Stars, 3 Meritorious Service Medals, a Joint Commendation Medal, and  the Order of Saint Maurice. He is a Liberty Fellow, a part of The Aspen Institute and the Aspen Global Leadership Network.

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.