Families Come In All Shapes and Sizes… Especially Now

Many years ago, at least a half-century or more, there was a boy in my class whose parents were divorced. I would never have known this except that the teacher was confused about the student’s last name. Apparently, after the divorce, the mother had gone back to using her maiden name. The boy was embarrassed by the teacher’s questions, and some of his classmates, including myself, were shocked by this situation. I had never met a kid before who had divorced parents.

I told my parents about the student, and they told me to stay away from him as if he had a communicable disease. They made it clear to me that divorce was a shameful thing, and this boy was probably trouble. They were trying to keep me from moral contamination.

Fast forward.

In the 1990s and the 2000s, I used to volunteer with a nonprofit organization that helped troubled teenagers and their families. By that time, divorce and blended families were common. The families that we tried to assist had grandparents in the mix, along with boyfriends, girlfriends, aunts, uncles, and whoever. My team of do-gooders defined a family as “a group of people who live together and love each other.” We dealt with an eclectic population. I got used to that.

Even so, once in a while, I would be surprised by the types of families we served. One time we assisted a lesbian couple who were raising a teenage boy. They had a host of issues that caused stress in their family. Honestly, I did not know how to work with them because, at that time, I had no experience with LGBTQ individuals. Somebody else from the team had to help this particular family. I couldn’t. I was way out of my depth.

Fast forward again.

Now, my wife and I are raising our grandson, Asher. We are his legal guardians and primary caregivers. Asher’s mother has a strong relationship with him, but the boy does not know his father at all. We get help from Asher’s uncle, who is a male role model for the lad.

Across the street from us, a married lesbian couple is raising a high school-age boy. The teenager is a nice young man, and his two maternal mentors are doing a good job bringing him into adulthood.

Families come in all shapes and sizes, especially now. It doesn’t matter who makes up the family. There is an endless variety of people who might constitute a family. There is no such thing as a “normal” family. I don’t think there ever was such a thing.

Based on my experiences, raising kids and keeping a family together is a heroic adventure. Many resources are needed to maintain a family: food, shelter, and health care. The most essential ingredient is love. That sounds corny but it is a stone-cold fact. What matters is that they love each other. 

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Frank (Francis) Pauc is a graduate of West Point, Class of 1980. He completed the Military Intelligence Basic Course at Fort Huachuca and then went to Flight School at Fort Rucker. Frank was stationed with the 3rd Armor Division in West Germany at Fliegerhorst Airfield from December 1981 to January 1985. He flew Hueys and Black Hawks and was next assigned to the 7th Infantry Division at Fort Ord, CA. He got the hell out of the Army in August 1986.

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