Life in the Dark

Just like our eyes, our hearts adjust to the dark.

I’ve been thinking about this stuff lately. The nature of evil and good. Moral compass. Spirituality. And what makes someone a good person or a bad person.

When I was younger I viewed things from a pretty black-and-white perspective. Things had to be one or the other and there were no shades of gray. There was safety in the clearly defined lines of Black/White or Right/Wrong. I didn’t have to figure it out, there it was in Black and White for me to see. Clear boundaries. If I didn’t cross that line, I’d be good. Or cross it and be bad. So that was the rule. That theory crumbled pretty quickly out in the real world.

What I’ve come to realize over the years is that there’s really nothing that is just white or just black. Not in this world of imperfection and humans. We are as gray as it gets around here.

And this is something I contemplate intensely these days, as I try to understand the paths I’ve chosen to wander down in my life, and the choices of others on their paths. I’ve discovered there are no simple answers or explanations for anything or anyone.

I know some people who would be, or are, considered evil or bad. I find that as I look at the whole person and search for what created the actions and thoughts of that person, I can then often see the good that is there. I absolutely see the gray for most people, but not all.

But to be able to see beneath the surface, to sense someone’s pain and fear while directly witnessing or experiencing their defenses, is to understand why they act the way they do. With that comprehension, the opportunity is there to feel compassion for them. That does not mean to condone or forgive acts that have been harmful and hurt others. It means to be able to see what is real about the person.

Seeing not just the bad. And not just the good. Because? We are, all of us, both.

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Shelly Harlowis the mother of two U.S. Army veterans. She has worked for the last 20 years in the mental health field with those who have seen and endured more than most humans should ever have to, and believes firmly that we are our own most powerful healers. Her own background and history are the foundation for her work with others and for her writing. Her hard-headedness has taken her further than any degree ever has. She remains a cynical optimist whose interest in humans has never faltered, knowing how flawed and amazing we all are.

Shelly can be reached at: Calm After the Storm- Trauma Coaching by Shelly Harlow

As the Voice of the Veteran Community, The Havok Journal seeks to publish a variety of perspectives on a number of sensitive subjects. Unless specifically noted otherwise, nothing we publish is an official point of view of The Havok Journal or any part of the U.S. government.