Americans Shocked That They Now Can’t Travel to African Countries They’ve Never Heard Of

By Hugh Jashol, Foreign Affairs Correspondent, Article 107 News*

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States government has issued a Level Zero Travel Advisory for Mali and Burkina Faso, urging Americans to maintain their long-standing tradition of not going there, following news that both countries have banned U.S. citizens in a dramatic diplomatic gesture no one noticed until the headline appeared.

According to officials, the advisory is meant to reassure Americans that nothing about their lives needs to change whatsoever.

“This ban does not affect your vacation plans,” a State Department spokesperson confirmed. “Because you did not have vacation plans involving Mali or Burkina Faso.”

Why This Warning Exists

The governments of Mali and Burkina Faso announced they are banning Americans in retaliation for U.S. travel restrictions. Experts say this is known as reciprocal diplomacy, or in layman’s terms:
‘You can’t come to our party that you didn’t know was happening.’

The announcement is being treated with the same seriousness as a restaurant informing you it is permanently closed despite you never having heard of it.

What Americans Should Know

• 🇺🇸 Americans are now banned from entering Mali and Burkina Faso
• 🧳 Americans were not entering Mali and Burkina Faso
• 📉 Impact on American tourism: unchanged
• 😐 National reaction: mild amusement

Travel industry analysts confirm there has been no measurable decline in bookings, primarily because there were no bookings to measure.

Official Safety Guidance (Very Serious)

Americans are advised to:

• Closely consult an online atlas to locate the countries of Mali and Burkina Faso.
• Avoid canceling nonexistent flights
• Refrain from panicking over trips they never booked
• Continue traveling to places with resorts, Wi-Fi, and at least one Taco Bell within driving distance

One TSA agent, speaking on condition of anonymity, said:

“We’ve never stopped a passenger and said, ‘Sir, why are you going to Burkina Faso?’ We hope to keep it that way.”

Cultural Awareness Reminder

For Americans unfamiliar with the region, Mali and Burkina Faso are located in West Africa and are best known domestically for:

• Being mentioned briefly in high-school geography
• Appearing in news articles about coups
• Becoming relevant for 48 hours due to this ban

The State Department emphasizes this advisory is purely informational, much like a warning label on a product you would never buy.

Conclusion

While Mali and Burkina Faso’s decision represents a bold stand on the world stage, Americans are encouraged to remember the core takeaway:

You cannot be banned from a place you were never going to visit.

Further updates will be issued if additional countries Americans don’t want to go to also decide to ban Americans. Until then, citizens are free to continue their normal routines, blissfully unaffected.

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Hugh Jashol is actually a nice guy, despite what his name sounds like when you say it quickly.

Article 107 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice covers “false official statements.” As our name implies, we are a satire organization, and you shouldn’t believe anything we say. You should, however, mercilessly mock anyone who does.